I Loves Me Some Conspiracy Theories

Radio personality Alex Jones breaks down some of the largest conspiracies looming over your precious little head every day:

I have to disagree with his assessment of the bear at the end there. I don't want to go all Colbert on everyone here but I'm convinced that Hallmark is in bed with the diamond industry by pimping Valentine's Day as if it were a hot, thousand dollar a night whore. How exactly does my love for my special lady translate into diamonds again? Jones has had the holiday wool pulled over his eyes and I don't care who knows that I'm saying it.

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[Update: I've just been paid an unsettling visit by a couple of extremely well muscled and well armed men employed by the diamond industry. I hereby recant every negative thing I've ever said about that industry and it's subsidiary affiliates. Diamonds are the bomb and not at all superfluous in everyday society. I sprinkle them on my Corn Flakes every morning and you should too. Please tell my family that I love them.]