Ocean's 38

If you liked Ocean's 11 (I own it), Ocean's 12 (I only saw it once and Julia Roberts playing a character who was able to get away with doubling for Julia Roberts because she looked just like her was one of the gayest things I've ever seen in my life, and I live right next to San Francisco) and Ocean's 13 (I never saw it and I assume that it can't possibly be any worse than Ocean's 12 but why take my chances?), then you're going to love Robot Chicken's Ocean's 38:

The NOT Sarah Palin Love Doll

Cross party lines with your own inflatable running mate:

Created by adult product purveyors Topco, the Sarah Palin blowup doll is known as the “This is NOT Sarah Palin Inflatable Love Doll.” Featuring a busty, conservatively dressed Palin lookalike, the box cover promises: “Cross party lines with your own inflatable running mate!” The political love doll’s suggested uses include: “Blow her up and show her how you’re going to vote,” “Let her pound your gavel over and over,” and “It’s time some male interns caused a scandal in the Capitol.” In addition, the company suggests, the Palin doll could stand in for the candidate at her next debate with Democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Biden. “This blow-up sex doll could really satisfy the swing voters.” Who knew the coming presidential election could be decided by a sex doll?

I assume that this is will become a historical item for no other reason than that this must be the first blowup sex doll modeled after any serious competitor for higher office in this country; I've seen Bill Clinton dolls on right wing sites before but they were mostly of the Voodoo variety. After watching her 80's pageant video I knew that some of you would have to be in the market for one of these.

I can also assume that if the unthinkable happens and by some cruel joke of the gods she becomes our President many in the electorate will avail themselves of this product's services as a means of relieving some of the frustration caused by her administration; I'll bet that it feels much more satisfying than running a volunteer phone bank. One question: is the line about "swing voters" an allusion to my johnson?

Obama's Lucky Charms

From last June, the contents of Barack Obama's pockets:

Amongst the things that Barack Obama carries for good luck are a bracelet belonging to a soldier deployed in Iraq, a gambler’s lucky chit, a tiny monkey god and a tiny Madonna and child.

I don't believe in luck myself but his practice of carrying these charms seems to be working for him thus far. Just kidding; he's winning with measured intelligence and superior strategy but if he likes to think that luck is a factor, more power to him.

She's One Of The Folks

Have you seen the newest cover of Newsweek yet? If you haven't you might be shocked to find that *gasp* the photo of Sarah Palin, a former beauty contestant, doesn't make her look completely blemish-free and physically perfect! Yes it seems that the liberal media is at it again and not only are they trying to sink the McCain/Palin ticket with less than Aphrodite quality photography of the woman but they're also hitting her well below the belt by having the audacity to point out in the accompanying article that yes, she is indeed woefully unqualified for the office of the vice-presidency.

As we've seen time and time again, any news organization that runs any type of story that is not a glowing endorsement of John McCain and his folksy (that's suddenly a bad word now?) running mate is automatically in the tank for the Obama campaign; fortunately the fair and balanced crew at FOX News is on the case:

Call me sexist if you will but am I the only one to notice that the two women in this clip who are pretty damn hot by any of our society's standards (I would personally kill many men for a chance to sleep with Megyn Kelly) are crying and whining about how the hot chick who's adored by millions of voters (many for the same shallow, physical reasons I wanna get with Megyn) is receiving a bum rap in our appearance obsessed society while the fat chick from American University is the only one defending her inherent beauty and the "natural" look?

I have the same response for these two that I have for stuck up bitches who complain about having to buy their own drinks when they go out to clubs: FUCK YOU! Joe Biden looks like Jimmy Buffett with bad doll's hair plugs and nobody is complaining about when he looks bad in pictures (in fact, the right loves to harp on this fact) but the beauty queen shows some wrinkles in her mid-forties and there is now yet one more media conspiracy against her. 22 days left.

(hat tip: Doug E)

Vets: Obama Played During Vietnam War

It's been getting pretty ugly lately but I don't think anybody expected this:

WASHINGTON—At a press conference on Monday, members of the Vietnam Veterans Alliance blasted Democratic nominee Barack Obama for his failure to serve in the Southeast Asian war that ended 33 years ago, alleging that during the conflict the candidate frequently engaged in games of T-ball. "While our boys were dying in Vietnam, Barack Obama was running around a little league field, laughing and having fun without a care in the world," VVA spokesman James Lowry said. "John McCain left his wife and three children behind and fought bravely, but I guess Sen. Obama decided that practicing cursive and learning how to ride a bike was just more important than defending his country in her hour of need. I bet he wasn't even able to point out Vietnam on a map." Lowry later speculated that if Obama had been sent over to fight in the conflict, he probably would have peed his pants and cried for his mommy as soon as he touched down in Saigon.

Nike: Leave Nothing

This commercial is from last years football season but I was blogless at the time so I post it for you now. It was directed by Michael Mann and stars Shawne Merriman (San Diego Chargers) on defense and Steven Jackson (St. Louis Rams) on offense while the music is the song "Promentory" from The Last of the Mohicans soundtrack; just a little something to get you pumped up for the NFL games today:

Obama, Arab Family Man

The tenor of John McCain's campaign continues to fuel hate:

Fearing the raw and at times angry emotions of his supporters may damage his campaign, John McCain on Friday urged them to tone down their increasingly personal denunciations of Barack Obama, including one woman who said she had heard that the Democrat was "an Arab."

Each time he tried to cool the crowd, he was rewarded with a round of boos.

"I have to tell you. Sen. Obama is a decent person and a person you don’t have to be scared of as president of the United States," McCain told a supporter at a town hall meeting in Minnesota who said he was “scared” of the prospect of an Obama presidency and of who the Democrat would appoint to the Supreme Court.

“Come on, John!” one audience member yelled out as the Republican crowd expressed dismay at their nominee. Others yelled "liar," and "terrorist," referring to Obama.

McCain passed his wireless microphone to one woman who said, "I can't trust Obama. I have read about him and he's not, he's not uh — he's an Arab. He's not — " before McCain retook the microphone and replied:

"No, ma'am. He's a decent family man [and] citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues and that's what this campaign's all about. He's not [an Arab]."

As I've recently written, the tone at these rallies of late can be directly attributed to the rhetoric of McCain and Sarah Palin; let's face it, when you repeatedly make the accusation that your opponent "pals around" with terrorists in a post-9/11 world people don't think former 60's radicals they think Al Qaeda, something McCain is well aware of. And when your opponent is a black man with a nontraditional, African name you shouldn't be surprised when your attempts to paint him as less than American cause your conservative supporters to get caught up in an atmosphere of ideological, jingoistic blood lust. Props to McCain for defending Obama and finally attempting to arrest this ugliness but his response to this woman's comments still begs the obvious question: does John McCain truly believe that being an Arab means that one can not be a decent family man and citizen?

Palinex: A New Morning After Pill

Fortunately for McCain, the excellent health care benefits he enjoys from his government job should cover this new prescription:

Raping Indy

Oh my God. I just finished watching the newest South Park episode, "The China Probrem" and my sides are still sore from laughing. If you haven't seen it yet stop reading right now, go to Comedy Central's website and do so immediately; I'll wait. OK; pretty funny shit, huh? I wrote what I now consider an all too generous review of The Crystal Skull after having too many glasses of wine back in May but I excuse my initial enthusiasm because of my great love for the original trilogy: I was once again watching an Indiana Jones movie filled with Nazis, jungle temples and a fedora and I think this blinded me to the craptacular CG sequences, the unimaginative alien ending and Shia LeBeouf.

I was watching a downloaded copy on my PS3 with a friend the other day and I started to remember watching the parts that I really didn't enjoy but just looked past at the time as Indy fought the aforementioned Nazis and I felt a little dirty for it. Then today I watched this South Park episode, and I almost died laughing as the boys had to work through the trauma of having seen Indy getting repeatedly raped by Lucas and Speilberg because I knew exactly how they were feeling. And dude did they rape his ass, all in multiple homages to some of cinemas most famous rape scenes but it was the actual acting out of the metaphor and the psychological scarring it had on the audience members that really made the scenes hilarious.

Now if you're sitting there reading this and thinking, "Jesus, James sure is one cold bastard to be laughing during a rape scene," all I can say is lighten up, it's a cartoon. Seriously. Oh, and the subplot of Cartman and Butters taking over the P. F. Chang's to stop the Chinese invasion was great but you knew it would be. I've heard rumors of a supposed fifth Indiana Jones sequel and I'm not expecting anything good to come of it; my only hope is that Lucas and Speilberg will come to their senses and go back to what made me love these movies so much in the first place but their behaviour of late has been decidedly less than encouraging. Chin up, Indy.

Obama Knew It Was Coming All Along

I remember Barack Obama being savagely mocked by the right in this country when he gave this speech back in July; they said that he was whining, that he was making false accusations against John McCain and that he was just looking for excuses for why he was going to lose this election. Hindsight is truly 20/20 for those who care to take a look but Obama seems to have seen this election clearly right from the start: