Failure Piles In Sadness Bowls

Comedian Patton Oswalt bemoans the popularity of KFC Famous Bowls and I agree wholeheartedly. As a fried chicken aficionado, I'm sick of the endless parade of bastardized fast-food creations like the Famous Bowls; just make my damn chicken, Colonel! That's what got you where you are today. Stop trying to make up new and interesting products just to increase your already substantial market share. Hell, if you're going to do something different, try making some decent fried catfish because the brain donors over at Popeye's can't seem to figure it out.

I'm talking to you too, domestic beer manufacturers! I know it's the same piss in a bottle you've been selling for decades and so do you, so stop telling me how much better it is because it's cold brewed/shipped cold/has a born-on date/has a special lining in the bottle, etc. It's fucking beer! Does it impair my judgement and give me an inflated sense of self worth? Yeah? Sold! Now start making some decent micro-brews and we'll talk. Take it, Patton:

[Update: If I hear the corporately approved, weak-assed piano version of "Sweet Home Alabama" one more time, I'm going to kill a random Yankee. I'm totally fucking serious about this, ya'll.