Reason #6121 For Hating Florida

This is just starting to get ridiculous; of all the "dos" and "don'ts" listed in the substitute teachers guide, this one takes the cake:

Substitute teacher Jim Piculas does a 30-second magic trick where a toothpick disappears then reappears.

But after performing it in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in Land 'O Lakes, Piculas said his job did a disappearing act of its own.

"I get a call the middle of the day from head of supervisor of substitute teachers. He says, 'Jim, we have a huge issue, you can't take any more assignments you need to come in right away,'" he said.

When Piculas went in, he learned his little magic trick cast a spell and went much farther than he'd hoped.

"I said, 'Well Pat, can you explain this to me?' 'You've been accused of wizardry,' [he said]. Wizardry?" he asked.

I always thought that Florida deserved to be crammed all the way down there in the South surrounded by rabid Republicans and inbred Rednecks, but now I'm beginning to think that even Republicans and Rednecks don't deserve to be associated with this kind of stupidity. We need to embark on a national initiative to construct a gigantic circular saw, amputate Florida and just watch it float away; let Cuba deal with these idiots.