What Your Email Says About You

I would just like to point out to those that use it exclusively that my Hotmail address has pretty much been my digital junk drawer for years now; the Gmail is in the sidebar to your right. And if you haven't watched the Family Guy Empire Strikes Back parody Something, Something, Something Dark Side yet then you haven't seen one of my favorite email jokes in the world:


(via)

Does Alan Colmes Read Brain Rage?

I was recently perusing my archives looking for a particular post to link to when I came across this one wherein I wrote about Sarah Palin's callous exploitation of her mentally handicapped son Trig as a political prop and I noticed that another site had linked to it in a post about Palin's faux outrage concerning the recent Family Guy episode featuring a Down Syndrome actress. Imagine my surprise when I followed the link and found out that it was from Alan Colmes' website Liberaland (which I've admittedly never heard of before this).

Cool. Does the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game apply online? Because if it does this puts me enticingly close to FOX News' Megyn Kelly. Ouch! And yes I know, Colmes and Hannity don't have a show together anymore but frankly most of the individual pictures of the man were just too gruesome to use for the top of this post so I picked this old publicity still instead. Just kidding, Alan; I need a high-paying job as a liberal commentator and/or political pundit in the worst way. Come on compadre, hook a left leaning brother up! Gracias.

Seth MacFarlane's Recipe For TV Success

Sadly, this is all too true. And they get less funny going from left to right. I love Family Guy but how many more of these things do you think they're going to let him make?

(via)

How Coakley Could Have Beat Brown

Scott Brown, the new Senator-elect from Massachusetts, won the special election there by running on a platform of tax cuts and opposing congressional health care reform even though he never laid out any plans to cut federal spending to balance out those cuts and he voted in support of a state-run health care plan as a state senator. In short, he ran on principles and populist talking points without actual ideas or plans for dealing with the problems this country faces. Yes, Martha Coakley also ran a horrible campaign and one of her problems was that she didn't know how to talk to American voters in the manner successful politicians on both sides of the aisle have perfected:


Brian's assessment of undecided voters is right on in my opinion. This is why President Obama has had so much trouble throughout his first year in office: He speaks to American voters as if they are rational thinking adults, and apparently they hate that (or just plain can't comprehend it). If the Republican party does well in the next election cycle it will be in part because they knew how to tell voters what they wanted to hear without putting forth any policy proposals other than tax cuts, torture and the status quo. And Americans will get the government they deserve for their inability to take politics seriously.

Something, Something, Something Dark Side

Here's the trailer for Family Guy's new Empire parody:


If you haven't yet seen their two-part Star Wars parody, what are you doing wasting time reading my blog? Go!

(via)

Apparently I Really Am Brian Griffin...

I was reading an interview with Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane the other day in which he mentioned that the character of Brian the dog (the only character he uses his real voice to portray on the show) is loosely based on himself. Now I've been compared to Brian by several different friends in the past (I know it's hard to notice over the Internet but we even have similar voices) but it wasn't until I read his Wikipedia page that I realized just how much we have in common as far as politics, alcoholic refreshment, relationships, etc. Aside from the jazz and the cigarettes it appears that this guy is pretty much me if I were a cartoon dog and no, I still haven't finished that novel I've been working on:


[Update: A few readers have wondered in the past what the "B" in James B. Webb actually stands for. Yep, you guessed it...]

Monkeys Talk About Religion

I have to say that Monkey Dad's arguments are pretty airtight:

Family Guy: Osama Bin Laden Classic

I was watching The Naked Gun: Police Squad yet again last night so I had to post this classic Family Guy parody, updated to feature some sweet Yoda lightsaber moves and Bin Laden. He's always seemed so humorless in all of his other videos:

Stewie Poltergeist Classic

I was just watching this on my DVR and decided to post it; I crack up every time he gets to the drums:

[Update: the crappy Quicktime player doesn't work on this site so here's a YouTube version without the video; fucking Apple.]

Zima, I Hardly Knew Ye

Apparently today was a dark one in the annals of malt beverage history:

MILWAUKEE - MillerCoors LLC says goodbye to Zima.

The joint venture between SABMiller's U.S. unit and Molson Coors Brewing Co. told distributors in a letter Monday that production of the malt liquor beverage was discontinued as of Oct. 10.

Chief Marketing Officer Andy England says the decision was due to weakness in the "malternative" segment and declining consumer interest.

Being a beer/wine/vodka man myself and having never imbibed a malt beverage I can't relate to the sentiments being expressed by my dear family member one l bill in bringing this to my attention, but I do sympathize:

In 6th or 7th grade I was at my friend Eddie's house. His folks were both smokers and always had Blue Ribbon in the fridge. Eddie's mom looked like a potsmoking hippie who managed to elevate herself from trailer to brick & mortar home. His dad was skinny as a rail and probably worked at a steel mill. Anyway, Eddie wasn't a particularly bad kid or anything. He was actually pretty good compared to a lot of the kids at my school. However, that didn't prevent Eddie from being the kid who introduced me to my first Red Shoe Diaries, first Playboy and first beer. One day when his folks were gone and I was spending the night we decided to try one of the Blue Ribbons. As I recall, we each took one sip, thought it was disgusting, spit it out, threw the evidence in the gutter, brushed our teeth and chewed about 6 pieces of Spearmint gum. From that day on, I could care less about beer. It tasted disgusting!

I'll have you know that I've tried plenty of other beers since that day. In all honesty, probably not very many (if any) before age 21. I have done my part to seek out an understanding for this adult male's beverage though. To this day, I still haven't found one I like. Closest I ever got was a Keystone Light. So when my college roommates and I started a Friday afternoon/night tradition called "Power Hour", I was determined to find something to drink along with them. (Power Hour started around 2pm every week. We'd crank up Dr. Dre, grab some chips, salsa, beer and play PS2 until we couldn't take it anymore. The crowd was always a minimum of 5 guys, often up to 10. Guys came from all around to join the camaraderie.) After ruling out a dozen different beers, one of the guys suggested I try a Zima. Low and behold, this was the magic nectar that was able to break my alcohol seal. I don't mean to imply that I'd get wasted off the stuff - I've never been one for excess in this area. But finally, I found a drink that I could have 2, maybe 3 and enjoy them.

Since that day, many other drinks have come and gone in my life. Maragaritas are right up there on the list now. Zima's always been my #1 girl though. Have I been mocked beyond belief? Yes. Do I care? No. I love Zima and Zima gets along fine with me. Our relationship made such an impression on one of my old roommate's new roommates that he's the one who actually found this article and made sure it got forwarded to me. This is a tragic day for one L bill.

I loved you Zima. I gave you many of my most fun nights in college. (Yeah, yeah, lame to most, but you had to be there.) Whenever I think of you, Zima, you will be forever linked to those great college friends and our numerous wasted hours on Timesplitters and NHL Hitz. Thanks for the memories.

I specifically remember the first time my old man gave me a whole beer just for myself at the National Skydiving Championships in Muskogee, Oklahoma in the mid-1980's as well as when I took my girl at the time out to a nice Argentinian restaurant she chose on Valentine's Day, 1998 where I tried my first vodka martini: in both cases I hated each of them, respectively; I chalk the first up to the fact that I was not yet even a teenager at the time and the second to the fact that a martini is basically just straight up 80 proof alcohol in a fancy glass.

Regardless, I've since come to love both of these libations (the martini especially) as I would a good friend or lover, so I understand what my boy here is going through. As a show of brotherly (in-law) solidarity, I promise to tip the last sip of my next dry martini onto the bar just for you, amigo.

Alien And Little Mouth

I have absolutely no reason to post this scene from Family Guy other than that it makes me laugh:

Stewie Likes Cool Whip

A priceless classic from Family Guy; I haven't been able to look at a container of Cool Whip without laughing for years because of this bit. Say whip: