Something Someone Else Said

"One more than Sarah Palin has ever given." -Andrew Sullivan, The Daily Dish, on Tiger Woods' open press conference at the Masters golf tournament at Augusta National Golf Club today.

Most Amazing Golf Hole On The Planet

The new golf course at the Legends Golf and Safari Resort in South Africa has a unique 19th hole:

The course's so-called "Xtreme 19th" hole is a par 3 -- a par 3 whose tee is atop a cliff on Hanglip Mountain, more than 1,400 feet above a green carved like the continent of Africa. You've got to take a helicopter to get to the tee box, and from there it's more than 630 yards to the pin. Once you tee off, it takes nearly 30 seconds for the ball to hit the ground.

Should you manage to drill a hole-in-one on the 19th, congratulations -- you've just won yourself a million bucks, and the right to call yourself the most Xtreme golfer on Earth!

Now this would be an experience:


(via)

The Super Toilet

I won't be buying one because my flushing needs are thankfully not this severe but it's impressive nonetheless:

Picture Of The Day

Barack Obama walks off the driving range during a working vacation in Hawaii after having announced the last of his cabinet appointments. If anybody reading this is still trying to come up with a last minute Christmas gift for me, a round with the president-elect would not go unappreciated.

Picture Of The Day

An armless, legless Tiger Woods wins the U. S. Open; this guy is good (from The Onion, natch).

Robot Chicken: We Own Tiger

This has nothing to do with Eric Cartman recently trying to prevent an attack from the Chinese, I just wanted to remind everyone of how good it must feel to be Tiger Woods (and yes, the endorsements help):

Toddler Tiger

His swing was smoother than mine even then:

(hat tip: Shannon)

Dumbest Invention Ever

Feast your eyes on the UroClub:

Ever been on the golf course, knocking back a few beers, when nature calls? It may be against club rules to duck into the rough for a leak—that's why the UroClub, developed by awesome urologist Floyd Seskin, is an answer to your prayers. Just place an inconspicuous towel over your junk, unscrew the cap of the club disguised to look like a 7-iron, and whiz away—up to half a liter. When you're done, stick the leak-proof club back in your bag and take your next shot.

Yeah, I'm too embarrassed or scared of the Marshall to just go piss behind a tree or a bush so instead I'm going to jam my cock into this device (still in public, mind you) and then I get to carry around a container full of my warm urine for the rest of the day. Sweet. You're outside! Club rules or no, it's where practically the entire planet pisses every day. Man up, for Christ's sake.

In Lieu Of Original Thoughts

Tiger Woods on the 16th hole at the 2005 Masters. Amazing:

Blade Runner

Reason.com has an interesting article about the invasion of technology into competitive sports and the repercussions it will have as those technologies advance while we desperately hang on to the revered legends of old. An excerpt:

Tiger Woods is probably one of the greatest golfers of all time. But, his vision was so poor that he was almost legally blind without contact lenses or glasses. In 1999, he had laser surgery on his eyes and his vision improved to better than 20/20. He had another procedure performed last year leaving him not only with improved vision, but better vision than most humans. Does laser-eye surgery that improves vision past 20/20 confer an unfair advantage on Tiger? And what's the difference between superhuman legs and superhuman sight?

When a modern American Olympian benefits from training at high altitudes, counseling from a sports physiologist and psychologist, expert physical therapy and a finely tuned diet, these steps could just as easily be seen as conveying an unfair advantage.

I agree with the sentiment but not with the comparison: eyesight is an integral part of the golfing experience and being able to see where you're aiming is obviously a great advantage. On the flipside, Tiger's surgical enhancements don't do much more than his aforementioned glasses and contact lenses did, and every golfer has a caddy with whom they can confer on any shot. Moreover, those same golfers have the option (finances allowing) to have the same surgical procedures performed on themselves. While eyesight is integral, it is not paramount to the sport; there are a myriad of other factors involved in playing golf.

Within track and field competitions, the advantages of artificial carbon-fiber legs are much more apparent. Lets be honest: if your legs are substandard on a competitive level, no amount of surgical improvements are going to change that. The reasons I've heard to preclude double amputee Oscar Pistorius (pictured above) from competing with other Olympians focus almost exclusively on his "legs"; specifically, that they don't build up the same levels of lactic acid that other runners' legs do due to the fact the they lack the muscle tissues affected by acidosis. Put simply, his artificial legs don't start to burn and cramp the way human legs do, and the argument is that this confers an unfair advantage upon him.

Now one could make the counter argument that any other sprinter could have his legs amputated and enjoy the same advantages that Pistoius claims but I don't see that as a viable option; not knowing the guy from Adam, I would assume that he would give up most anything he owns to possess a pair of fully-functioning human legs. I just have to assume that human nature holds him within the same sway that it does us all. Hence, the comparisons are not equitable.

This line of thought does lead one to other avenues of speculation: how will competitive sports change in the next century and beyond? Will we as a society allow technological advancements within franchise sports to change the essential makeup of those games merely for entertainment value and monetary gain? Will we then hold the amateur status of the Olympic Games to a higher standard? The inclusion of professional basketball and hockey players, combined with the ever-present quest for ratings, would suggest "no" on that last count. Either way, the 21st century and all of the advancements it promises are sure to make for a brave new sporting world.

Confidence

What do you do to stoke it? Personally, I think pennies are an anachronism and should be phased out of our society but then again, I don't derive confidence from the insertion of them. Make your own judgements:

Golf War

I know, I know; I've already posted two videos about Bush's recent comments but that was just the lead up to what Jon Stewart had to say (one of my favorite bloggers has refered to Bush's words as "Stewart Bait"). As you'd expect, he calls Bush out on pandering to the Knesset in Israel, his underground, stealth golf plans and just generally dicking around:
"Can a brother get a shalom?"

Special Comment: Bush, Sacrifice And Golf

Today Countdown with Keith Olbermann ended with Keith's comment on Bush's latest words about his endless war, the dangers of electing a Democrat in November and what American's (him especially) are sacrificing to insure his legacy:

Only 250 days until we can finally get America out from under the shadow of this horrible administration. I'm already counting.

Woods Pimps Self To Pine-Sol

In this refreshingly frank letter to Pine-Sol, Tiger Woods makes the strong case for why their company should be doing business with Tiger Woods. Here's a taste:

Call me crazy, but it looks like you're lacking a big-time celebrity endorser. Yes, you have that sassy fat black woman who appears in commercials and print ads, but she's hardly a celebrity. I'm talking about someone with name recognition. Maybe even someone who's won, say, 64 professional golf tournaments, 13 major championships, and has been named PGA Tour Player of the Year nine times? Your lady may be funny, but is she the most marketable athlete in the world with a supermodel wife, a new baby girl, millions in the bank, multiracial appeal, and a great goddamn smile?

No.

From The Onion; absolutely hilarious.

In Lieu Of Original Thoughts

Was out way too late last night with some friends, so here's Tiger showing us mere mortals how easy it is to control that little white ball. If you play golf at all you know the mixture of joy/frustration I feel every time I watch this guy do anything: