Home Again, Home Again...

I flew back in from Vegas late Sunday night and then spent most of Monday nursing one of the most dehydrating hangovers I've ever endured. One of the problems with getting together with my buddies from college is that we always drink and party as if we're still twenty years old, and I certainly felt it this time. On the plus side however I actually broke even at the tables, which is quite a rarity for me as I totally stink at cards (plus the Texas/Texas Tech game was easy money).

I had a couple of revelations as it concerns my blogging on this trip that I'll go more into later but for now I'm just going to get myself some Gatorade. So, what'd I miss while I was gone?

Father Guido Sarducci's Five Minute University

My middle little sister just sent this to me. I was actually surprised that she even knew who Father Guido Sarducci is because she's not that old (notice that the audience is straight out of the late seventies-early eighties) but her explanation that she had watched it during a staff development meeting (she's a teacher) made more sense:


This reminded me of one of my favorite exchanges from the movie Reality Bites:

Lelaina: Quick, Vicky, what’s your social security?

Vicky: Ahh... eight five one two five nine three five seven.

Troy: Very impressive.

Vicky: It’s the only thing I really learned in college...

(hat tip: Shannon)

Jon Stewart's Goatee

A lot of people are talking shit but I like it. Now maybe my perceptions are somewhat colored by the fact that I'm such a big fan of The Daily Show or because I myself am also beardily-challenged, hence leaving the goatee as my only outlet for facial hair expression (what I wouldn't give to be able to grow a pair of really kick-ass Wolverine mutton chops...) but I'm siding with Stewart on this one. It gives him a kind of elder statesman of the fake news vibe, plus I thought Wyatt Cenac's "Tony Stark" jab the other day was pure beardist gold.

Picture Of The Day

The cosmetic brand used by more magazines and photographers than any other.

(via)

On Lawrence Taylor And Age Of Consent Laws

Yesterday regular commenter and family member one L bill wrote the following in the comment section of my breakfast post:

All this LT stuff has got me wondering about your thoughts on sexual consent age limits.

For all those not in the know:

Lawrence Taylor, the former Giants linebacker, was arrested early Thursday morning and has been charged with third-degree rape and soliciting prostitution in a case involving a 16-year-old girl at a hotel in Rockland County, according to the authorities.

Taylor was taken into custody after the police were told that the girl had been brought to Taylor’s hotel room by aman who also faces charges in the case, said Christopher P. St. Lawrence, the town supervisor of Ramapo. He said the Ramapo police went to Taylor’s room at the Holiday Inn Suffern, in Montebello, and arrested him without incident just before 4 a.m. St. Lawrence said at a news conference that Taylor paid $300 for the encounter.

Taylor’s lawyer, Arthur L. Aidala, said Taylor denied having sex with the girl, who was referred to in court only by her initials because she was a minor. She was reported missing from her home in the Bronx in March.

Taylor faces a maximum of one year in prison on the solicitation charge, a misdemeanor. The maximum sentence for third-degree rape, a felony, is four years.

As far as LT is concerned he claims that he had never met the guy before who sent the girl to his room (I tend to believe this), he claims that she told him that she was nineteen (she has admitted that she was told to do so by this same guy) and that he paid the money to the girl herself rather than the guy (I'm assuming that he's making this point as some type of legal maneuvering on advice from his attorney). I was actually watching said attorney talking about the case yesterday and when asked if his client had sex with the girl he also made a point of stating that LT definitely didn't have sexual intercourse with her as it's defined by blah, blah, lawyer-speak, blah.

Now whenever I hear a lawyer rhetorically dancing around a straight-forward question like "Did he have sex with her?" in this manner my shyster-sense starts tingling like crazy (this particular superpower is slightly underdeveloped in my case since I only completed one year of law school before I regained sanity at some point). What that says to me is that there probably was no strict vaginal intercourse but I think it's safe to assume that there was some level of touching and eventual fluid transfer involving LT's penis at some point. It's entirely feasible to assume that he didn't have actual sex with her and that he's making that very clear to the authorities in order to escape a third-degree felony rape charge but he paid her that $300 for something and I doubt it was just to hold hands and exchange whispered sweet nothings.

To address one L's question as to my views on age of consent limits, my personal philosophy concerning sex has always been that some people are physically and emotionally ready to have sex and some people are not, with age being mostly a secondary concern. If I were to answer on an evolutionary basis (in which I received my formal college training) I would state that the beginning of menstruation in a female marks her readiness for sexual intercourse and subsequent child bearing but one obviously has to factor in cultural and societal mores and the much longer lifespan and thus delayed emotional development of modern humans versus other primates. I have no doubt that there are some thirteen-year-old girls out there who are quite ready to have sex while on the obverse side I also have no doubt that there are thirty-year-old women out there who are not (and perhaps never will be).

As far as the law goes though there obviously has to be a baseline legal limit that society adheres to on this matter and as with so many other rights and privileges of adulthood I believe that limit should be a person's eighteenth birthday, for the sake of consistency if nothing else. Now of course that's not to say that I believe that minors should not be having sex with each other and there are extenuating circumstances in some cases that any fair judge or jury should take into account: if a sixteen or seventeen-year-old girl has consensual sex with her eighteen or nineteen-year-old boyfriend that should usually be legal and acceptable in the eyes of the law. And there will be other extenuating circumstances on a case by case basis of course but that's why I believe that there should not be any bullshit mandatory sentencing laws tying the hands of the deliberating body or individual deciding those cases.

In short, I believe that anyone who is considered a legal adult should be able to have consensual sexual intercourse with any other legal adult (the topic of incest on this count takes us to a weird grey area that I personally would rather not think about) but I also believe that minors should be free to have consensual sex with each other and the occasional legal adult on a case by case basis to be determined by a judge or jury on the occasion that said interlocution is warranted. Sex is a sticky and beautiful enterprise and one of the best things we can do with our short time on this planet. My advice is to make up some excuse to look at his/her drivers licence at some point before you both get busy, i.e. "I always take bad licence photos: how about you?" This policy has saved (and also pleasantly surprised) my ass on more than one occasion.

Lowering The Drinking Age To 18

I've long been a fan of doing this even after I turned twenty-one. Under my plan every American who is both eighteen-years-old and a high school graduate would automatically be of legal drinking age and able to purchase and consume alcohol. Just being eighteen wouldn't work because we would experience the same outcome we do in colleges: students who are old enough to drink would constantly be buying alcohol for those who are not. It would also be a great incentive for kids to stay in school and get their degree or pass a high school equivalency exam (all of those who do not do so would have to wait until they turn twenty-one to drink lawfully). We allow eighteen-year-olds to be tried as adults, vote, own guns and serve in the military yet when it comes to consuming alcohol they are treated as second-class citizens. I say that if someone can risk their life for their country they should be able to enjoy a beer after work. What do you think?

American Power Slips The Bonds Of Reality

Recently a reader on this site left me the following comment:

Please tell me that Don is a made up character; that he doesn't exist. I find it hard to believe that there is someone, breathing God's good air, that thinks like that. Really?

I replied that Don(ald Douglas, my curvy conservative counterpart of American Power) is indeed real but that if he wasn't I would have to make him up just for the laughs, and Don is keeping his hilarity streak alive with his latest and lengthily titled rant against yours truly, "James B. Webb All-Talk (Non) Political Analyst Pwned: Word Bro ... Atheist Megalomaniac EPIC FAIL on Intellectual Substance". All right, let's fisk this bitch:

OPEN LETTER TO JAMES B. WEBB: WORD TO THE WISE, EXTENDED VERSION (SO BE WISE)

James (OR WHATEVER YOUR REAL NON-COWARD NAME IS), FWIW (a reponse to your sterile big talk):

You told me not to comment on your blog some time ago, and I have observed your rules. But when Repsac3 stalks and taunts American Power with genuine racist insults, when he refuses to observe my rules and common decency, you're down with that ... of course you're into racist photoshopping and cyberstalking, so NST, yo!

I'll get to the "real non-coward name" stuff a bit further down but as to my "sterile big talk" Don is referring to a comment I left at his site on a post about how he has officially banned friend of this blog and proprietor of American Nihilist Repsac3:

...end of an era, Reppy. Good night, sweet prince...

Don, despite the ongoing program of intolerance and radical totalitarianism I rock at Brain Rage you are still totally welcome to leave comments there, no matter how many people say how stupid, and frankly too easy to poke fun at, you are. I personally believe that comment censorship, especially within the political blogosphere, is one of the lowest forms of cowardice one can betray and I refuse to indulge in it. You know what I'm talking about...

And I don't blame you for moderating or disabling comments to avoid debating me: I wouldn't want to debate me either. Snoogans.

Now I don't remember telling Don not to comment on my site but as Reppy says in his own response to Don's open letter he's probably thinking of last year when I told him not to leave off-topic comments and links here but I don't want to make fun of an old person who's memory is slipping so I'll just point to the comment above in which I welcome Don's comments with open arms. And as to Don's charge of "racist photoshopping" I know which picture he's referring to and I'll admit that perhaps he has a point:
So I would like to offer the following: I want to formally apologize to Jabba himself and any other Huts who were offended by my Photoshop portraying him as that particular member of the human race. It was not my intention to insult this proud race of intergalactic gangsters and I will happily double the bounty I've issued for Megan Fox encased in carbonite. Bargon u noa-a-uyat.

Frankly, son, you're nothing but a child to me, with an overdriven playground gotcha mentality. Fact is, every single time I've argued substantive points you've ignored them and moved on predictably to insults and snarks: On the budget deficit you blamed Bush and FAILED. On my post on faith, morality and fighting Satan, you dissed it without a single mention of the issues ... FAIL. On Sean Trende's RCP analysis on the November congressional elections? Ignored it again ... FAIL.

Now perhaps my "overdriven playground gotcha mentality" hasn't made this clear in the past but I could really give a damn what Don thinks of me. I was going to refute the three examples he mentions here but I'm kind of in a hurry as I write this so I'll let readers decide for themselves whether or not I've thoroughly addressed Don's arguments in the past but just to cover my bases I'll also use Don's favorite rhetorical device to devastating effect: FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! Booyah.

And you recently wrote at my blog:

"I'm not suggesting that the left isn't responsible for many acts of hate and violence in the world. I'm just pointing out the stupidity of the myopic worldview that one side of the ideological aisle is so much better/worse than the other and regardless of which side says it (and I hear it from both on a constant basis) they always sound like uninformed children when they do."

Actually, the contemporary left's entrenched ideological culture of violence is unmatched on the conservative right. And I responded to you with a link to Jamie Glazov's, United in Hate: The Left's Romance with Tyranny and Terror. Glazov's book is deeply argued and written from personal experience of tyranny and terror. His parents were Soviet dissidents. Their lives were put on the line for speaking out against the Communist Party in 1968, when Jamie's father signed the famous "Letter of Twelve" human rights manifesto. The forward to the book was written by R. James Woolsey, who was President Clinton's Director of Central Intelligence from 1993 to 1995. United in Hate received critical reviews from both sides of the spectrum, and retired United States Air Force Lieutenant General Thomas McInery called the book "a must-read if America is to survive the global war against Radical Islam." In short, this is serious stuff, worth engagement.

And what was your response to the citation for United in Hate? Totally predictable:

That's exactly what I mean when I talk about uninformed children, Don. Thank you as always for illustrating my point.

Breathtaking juvenile anti-intellectualism topped with a staggering heaping of brain-addled stupidity.

The comment I left was referring to one of Don's commenters making the inane statement "Violence is the hallmark of the Left" and posting several instances of violence perpetrated by people on the political left. I refuted this by similarly posting several instances of violence caused by people on the political right. Don then tried to refute me by linking to the above book at Amazon.com, so I rightfully lumped him in with the other people I was referring to as uninformed children for insisting that one side of the aisle is so much better/worse than the other. Put simply:

Interchangeable American Power Commenter: The left is horrible and violent.

JBW: Well, there are bad people on the left but there are also bad people on the right and people from either side who say otherwise are fools.

IAPC: The left is horrible and violent and here's a list of examples.

JBW: Again, both sides have bad people on them and here's a list of similar examples from the right.

Don: The left is horrible and violent and here's a book that claims as much.

JBW: Wait, all you did was point to a book that says the same thing the commenter above just said. How does that refute what I just said about both sides including bad people?

Don: Check and mate.

JBW: You're a fool.

I'm not saying that the book isn't as incredible and persuasive as Don claims it to be because I haven't read it and I don't plan to (predictably, all of the "critical reviews from both sides of the spectrum" I came across were on right-wing websites) but by merely pointing to another list of examples about how bad the left is he only proved my point about partisan foolishness and his calling me juvenile or stupid isn't going to change that.

But that's to be expected from someone who's not right in the mind, oddly consumed by some kind of big man syndrome (when in fact nothing seems to warrant such a psychology, which thus raises appropriate and characteristic questions of megalomania).

And let's not forget your online perversions and stalking. When called out on these you own them with insecure phony laughter and some backslapping with your braindead followers in the comments at Brainrage.

Claiming that I'm "not right in the mind" is the pot calling the kettle black (uh oh, is that RAAACIST!?) and I have to ask: what exactly is "big man syndrome"? Is he setting me up to make a fat guy joke? And perhaps I am a bit megalomaniacal but I'd argue that most people who blog are to an extent. I've addressed his whiny, PC claims of perversions and stalking before and I do indeed own them but I assure you that my laughter is very secure and completely genuine. While we're on the subject of perversion though let me just point out that my blog isn't the one with a picture of a porn star in the sidebar (Who's Nailin' Paylin? is a cinematic tour de force if you're interested, Don). Also, Brain Rage is two words, old man.

So, JBW, let's be real, okay. Honestly, you're but a lost child to me. I'm a Ph.D. professor with 15 years experience teaching. I'm a father of two who's been married for 16 years. I've traveled widely and have nearly lost my life. But credentials, wisdom, life failings, and experience mean nothing to you, BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ALL ALREADY.

Didn't he use that "child" line once already? And yes, he's a Ph.D. professor yet he can't spell or debate his way out of a wet paper bag. And a wife and two kids? Wow, Don got married and reproduced; that's quite a feat. He must be the envy of every man he knows. I've actually traveled to over a dozen countries myself and have I ever written here about the time I had a threesome with a stripper and a nineteen-year-old girl who looked just like a young Denise Richards? It's a true story: you see, I was bartending one night and... Come to think of it, I'm not even going to try to compete with Don here. A wife and two kids. Man... Oh, and credentials, wisdom, life failing, and experience do mean something to me: just not Don's. And I obviously don't "know it all already" but I'm not going to waste time trying to learn about these things from a serial liar with a victim mentality.

Anyway, I understand the sources of your disrespect (hey, four years of college and you've got knowledge), but it's obvious to anyone who's been around the block a couple of times that you're all talk and little action. And the fact that James B. Webb is not your real names adds a hilarious touch to any mention by you of the word coward. So, here's a bet. You will not come out and identify yourself, and you will not meet me for a beer where you express a little humility and respect for someone who ought to be, frankly, your intellectual mentor. I'm in the O.C. Name the bar, on a weekend evening, and we'll meet.

So, what do you say big boy? You have my e-mail. Send me your name, phone number, and a location, and we'll meet like men ... instead of playing meaningless tit-for-tat on blogs that few people actually read.

Donald

I'm not really sure what he's trying to say here. Is he implying that people with college degrees who lack PhD's aren't intelligent or well-educated? And the source of my disrespect is pretty much just the things Don writes on a daily basis. To wit: his newly minted claim that James B. Webb isn't my real name. I had to read that line a couple of times to make sure that he was actually claiming such, and without any shred of citation or proof but in the face of such a compelling argument I suppose I can't continue with this charade any longer. Admittedly, James B. Webb is just a clever pseudonym I employ online to hide my true identity: Lance Thundercock. Wow, it feels really good to finally have it out in the open like this. What, you don't believe me? Well here's definitive proof that Don isn't just some chubby deranged paranoiac with a persecution complex:
I'll bet all of you jerks who like to make fun of him are feeling pretty damn stupid right about now, huh? Speaking of bets and stupidity how about Don wagering that I won't travel 400 miles to have a beer with someone who has at various times called me stupid, human defect, intellectually impotent, morally depraved, weightist-wanker, poser-boy, sexist weightmaster prick, Barebacker, young cocky sucker, ass, Master Enforcer for the Annihilation of Non-Hypocrisy, idiot, adolescent dork, atheist online-troll sex-predator, bereft of moral virtue, small-penis prick, fail, loser, sorry-assed punk, communist, nihilist, and RAAACIST!? Yeah, I have a feeling Don's gonna win that one.

Oh, and he wraps his post up by playing the Black Flag song "No Values" because I assume he thinks that it describes me so touché, mon gros ami:


[Update: Apparently I told Don directly that I blog under a pseudonym (I didn't but why let reality influence what one writes?) and now it appears that he has some problems with the color of my skin. But isn't that RAAA...]

A New Hope: Parody vs. Reality

I was watching the original Star Wars last night when I came to this disturbing conclusion: I can't watch the original Episode IV anymore without imagining and subsequently obsessively repeating every one of the lines from the Family Guy double parody episode Blue Harvest. One of my happiest memories of childhood has been subsequently replaced by one of the most entertaining videos of my adult lifefime and I barely batted an eyelash. I'm either becoming very old or else reality seems a bit too false for me at this point.

American Power And Verboten Cut And Pasting

Apparently my conservative counterpart Donald Douglas of American Power has some issues with my lack of condemnation of Alan Colmes:

Geez, I'm getting linked by lefty media folks all over the place this week. But I wonder if idiots like JBW are gonna hammer Alan Colmes for his verboten cut-and-paste hack job, "Why Are Some Right-Wingers Defending Terror Suspects?"

It seems that Colmes cut and pasted a compilation by Fire Dog Lake about how right-wingers are ignoring/excusing the recent revelation that a right-wing militia group has been plotting the deaths of American police officers and this has apparently upset Don because a) I noted a while back that Colmes had linked to me in a post about Sarah Palin's callous exploitation of her handicapped son and/or b) I routinely chastise Don for being a serial cut and paster rather than composing posts taken from his own grey matter.

Quite right Don, and it's an error that I'll correct here and now: Mr. Colmes, how dare you merely cut and paste someone else's thoughts as if you were a tubby, middle-aged neoconservative with an established history of victimology and a pathetic persecution complex to boot. Don't you know that there are people like Don Douglas, PhD. out there on the Internets keeping track of hack writers like yourself, using their own lack of rhetorical skills as a comparison to vilify you in between their frequent Twinkie binges and Ronald Reagan jerk-off fantasies?

Happy, Don? Now, try and convince yourself that it's better to be a fat, greying community college prof on the downward slope of a career than an "idiot" who doesn't have the free time to police every liberal blog that's ever linked to himself and can still see his own dick without the assistance of a strategically placed set of mirrors. Too harsh? Yeah, well too bad; it's the middle of the night and I'm very, very drunk, Tubs. Cheers.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

Apologies for the lack of posting as of late. The last few days of nice weather here in Northern California have been keeping me busy working on my yard. Despite my considerably less than green thumb I'm trying to cultivate the rose bushes that were here when I moved in and I'm also thinking of starting a vegetable/herb garden out on my back patio as well. Does this mean I'm getting old and boring? Regular posting will resume shortly.

The Diversity Of The Word...

Ladies and gentlemen, the lamest fucking kid on the planet:

A 17-year-old student from South Pasadena High School in California took Vice President Joe Biden to task Friday for his use of an un-choice word this week whispered into the ear of President Barack Obama.

"This is a huge deal," McKay Hatch told reporters. "Many kids and adults all over the world look up to Vice President Biden as a role model. He needs to be a good role model for kids and use clean and appropriate language."

Hatch was referring to Biden's "This is a big f............ deal" sotto-voce remark Tuesday to his boss during the signing of the health care bill that was picked up by microphones and amplified around the world.

Hatch called on Biden to apologize, then packed a "No Cussing Club" T-shirt, wrist bands and penalty jar into a box and carried it to the local post office, cameras documenting his every move and utterance. His goal: "to remind him to use good language."

Hatch said he was not opposed to Biden exercising his First Amendment rights. "He has the freedom of speech to say what he wants, but he can't choose the consequences of what he says," the student said. "We need as a country to get back to the basic values and come together and treat people with civility."

Look, I'm not saying that you're lame if you don't curse or use the word "fuck" on a regular basis but if you're seventeen years old and you spend a significant amount of time writing letters to public officials about curse words I'm sorry but you're fucking lame. Obviously Biden wouldn't have said what he did if he had known that it was going to be picked up by an open microphone but since he did my response to this kid is the same one I have concerning tobacco, alcohol, drugs, gambling and sex: That's only for grown ups! Discussion over.

The fact that this kid is trying to tell one adult that he can't say the word "fuck" to another adult without being civil is as tone deaf as every right-wing talking head and pundit I've heard complaining lately about the supposed double standard for behaviour between Republicans and Democrats over the juxtaposing quotes at the top of this post. Words in and of themselves are not uncivil, it's the context within which they're used that can make them so. Saying that something is "a big fucking deal" and telling someone to "go fuck themselves" are two very different usages of a versatile word and the word "fuck" is extremely versatile:


It's usage can be benign or nefarious, playful or hateful, instructive or stupid, but the real stupidity happens when supposedly intelligent people can't recognize these distinctions because they've relegated such a diverse word to the catch-all category of "bad". That's how five-year-olds view the world. One would hope that by seventeen Hatch would have the ability to see things in finer shades of grey. So don't be surprised if you hear this kid's name sometime down the road as part of a campaign to censor what you and other adults can watch on television. It's all part and parcel of the same world view that consenting adults must be saved from all of the things that other adults don't like or agree with for our own good, and it's fucking lame.

Iggy Pop Painfully Retires From Stagediving

Yes, this is real and it's the ultimate performance fail:

Iggy Pop has vowed to stop stagediving after suffering a nasty fall at a recent show.

The singer, 62, revealed he dived for the last time during a gig at New York's Carnegie Hall. However, none of the audience caught him, leaving The Stooges' frontman bruised.

Pop reckoned that the audience were not expecting him to stagedive, reports Jam! Showbiz:

"When I landed it hurt and I made a mental note that Carnegie Hall would be a good place for my last stagedive," he said. "The audience were just like, 'What are you doing?'"

These kids today just don't know proper concert etiquette. It's the end of an era.

(via)

Cross On Health Care Reform

Regular readers might remember that David Cross is one of my favorite comedians, and this piece of his set from Minneapolis, St. Paul last fall is but one reason why:

How Millennial Are You?

You can quickly take the 14 question Pew Research Center quiz here to find out. The typical Millennial who takes the quiz scores a 73 out of 100 while a typical Gen-Xer (my own cohort group) only scores a 33; typical Boomers and their parents barely register with 11 and 4, respectively. I surprisingly scored an 86. I'm not exactly sure how to interpret these results other than to posit that my enthusiasm for politics and new technology are most likely major factors. How Millennial are you?

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Something Hilarious Someone Else Said

"Pure toxic evil, mark my words.

Indeed, all of these people are unprincipled bullies, the lot of them, a rogue demonology detachment of the first order: Captain Fogg, Comrade Repsac3, David Hillman, Green Eagle, James B. Webb, TNLib, RockyNC, and TRUTH 101." -My conservative counterpart Donald Douglas of American Power, writing in his trademark hyperbolic style whilst also in his ever-perpetual Sarah Palin victim mode about some innocuous yet apparently also heinous slight he claims to have incurred recently.

Personally, I think that's some fine company I find myself in. And poor little Don, completely surrounded by hordes of nihilistic enemies with only himself and a few other brave and noble neocon bloggers to stave off the American Armageddon being carried out by the Dark Overlord Obama, with the explicit approval and collaboration of the liberal mainstream media and blogosphere of course. I've never felt like much of a persecuted victim myself but I would imagine that constantly living one's life like this must be quite the mental and emotional burden, as it's clearly taken a toll on my good buddy Don here's faculties. At least he remembered my middle initial this time, although I was kind of disappointed that I wasn't at the top of his newest enemies list. I wonder if Nixon organized his list alphabetically as well? Regardless, keep up that good crazy, Don; as always, at least you're still good for a laugh.

[Update: It appears that Don also once again insinuated that I'm gay for no good reason a few days ago and I just flat out missed it at the time. As always, well played sir! How does one possibly defend oneself from such devastating word play? Perhaps I should take down my picture at the top of the sidebar above; I think my "come hither partyboy look" is making Don feel all warm and funny in his pants again.]

I'm 36 Today...

...but I don't feel a day over 35 ½ . I'd recommend having your birthday on Super Bowl Sunday if you have the means; any day you're drinking beers and watching football is a good day, regardless of which milestone you're passing on the inexorable march towards death. My only complaint is that everyone tries to give you those combination birthday/Super Bowl presents. Cheap bastards.

Something Someone Else Said

"What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn't you consider that to be insane?" -notorious fictional serial killer Garland Greene, Con Air.

Yes, I rewatched it on cable last night and yes, it was both extremely entertaining and incredibly horrible at the same time. Question: Is there a hairstyle that doesn't look bad on Nick Cage? I'm just asking for the rest of the world...

Picture Of The Day

I know I said that I wasn't going to post anything today but during a discussion with a buddy during the Vikings/Saints game I came across this picture of Sylvester Stallone training for his new movie The Expendables. Look at this guy! He's 63 years old. I really need to get back in shape...

Something Someone Else Said

All too true, and my favorite part of wrapping presents every Christmas.

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Star Wars/A-Team Opening Credits Mashup

Why? Because I'm reaching the age now where everything that was once cool and significant in my world as a child is now being recycled, repackaged and repurposed to facilitate my growing sense of nostalgia as I slowly start to realize that I'll never be young again and plus, Hollywood really wants as much of my discretionary income as they can get no matter how shitty the resulting product (I'm looking at you, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra):


So yes, when the inevitable Transformers/MacGyver mashup is eventually created you will of course see it here first. Rest in peace, childhood.

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[Update: Some bonus nostalgia I could share with my grandparents if they were still alive:

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