Dumbest Invention Ever

Feast your eyes on the UroClub:

Ever been on the golf course, knocking back a few beers, when nature calls? It may be against club rules to duck into the rough for a leak—that's why the UroClub, developed by awesome urologist Floyd Seskin, is an answer to your prayers. Just place an inconspicuous towel over your junk, unscrew the cap of the club disguised to look like a 7-iron, and whiz away—up to half a liter. When you're done, stick the leak-proof club back in your bag and take your next shot.

Yeah, I'm too embarrassed or scared of the Marshall to just go piss behind a tree or a bush so instead I'm going to jam my cock into this device (still in public, mind you) and then I get to carry around a container full of my warm urine for the rest of the day. Sweet. You're outside! Club rules or no, it's where practically the entire planet pisses every day. Man up, for Christ's sake.

Scenario: DogvCat II

The link for the first one can be found here. Round 2:

Burn Baby Burn

Just one more reason for people to make fun of the South. From the great state of Louisiana:

About 30 people gathered for a regional revival Friday night that included a book burning as a statement to reach out to local residents.

"It is allowed for Harry Potter to be taught in our schools, but not the Bible," International House of Prayer pastor James Crawford said during the Shreveport Regional Unity of Faith Revival.

That is one reason pastors from several denominations and races ripped pages from "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." Those and pages from a pornographic magazine were put into a burn pit and set afire as praises bellowed from the congregation.

On a side note, I've never read any of the Harry Potter books but I really like the way they've contributed to a rise in the popularity of reading amongst kids; every other aspect of this story is utterly ridiculous and slightly troubling.

Walken As Solo

Referenced in the Walken Intervention post last week, here's Kevin Spacey doing his hilariously accurate Christopher Walken impression during a fictional Star Wars audition on SNL:

You'll Never Moonwalk Alone

From Strange Maps:

On July 21, 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first human to walk on the moon. He didn’t moonwalk alone – ‘Buzz’ Aldrin joined him on the surface – and he didn’t walk far.

After travelling hundreds of thousands of kilometers, the landing crew of the Apollo 11 lunar mission barely covered an area the size of a football pitch.

Admittedly, I've never really thought about how much ground Armstrong and Aldrin covered on their first lunar trek and now that I know, I'm not sure that I'm all that surprised by how limited their wanderings were. Of course, this was before we had that sweet lunar rover, but it's still pretty cool to check out (click image for the big-ass version).

Laudo Pro Dies

"It’s good news for Obama that Hillary’s out of the race. But it’s also bad news. Now Republicans can turn their full attention to demonizing Michelle Obama. Mrs. Obama is the new, unwilling contestant in Round Two of the sulfurous national game of 'Kill the witch.'" -Maureen Dowd

Scenario: DogvCat I

Found these hilarious clips on Adult Swim today; it's like ESPN's Pardon The Interruption, except with politics. And talking animals. And funny hats. Good stuff:

One complaint: I know one side has to be the pussy, but isn't it a bit trite to make him the liberal? I'm just saying.

Garfield Minus Garfield

A postmodernist conception of what was originally a terminally unfunny comic classic:

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let's laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness in a quiet American suburb.

Our Nation On Paper

If you thought that water boarding was the worst thing your government has done to people in captivity in the name of the war on terror, worry not. It's merely the only thing they'll admit to:

Too Sexy For Turkey

Turkey is often singled out as the most (or only) secular Muslim country, giving the impression that they're slightly less daffy and sexually repressed than their neighbors. Of course, that's only if you ignore the dictates of their Directorate on Religious Affairs:

"Women have to be more careful, since they possess stimulants," and they "have to be covered properly so as not to show their ornaments and figures to strangers."

Those are two of the controversial "dos" and "don’ts" given to Turkish women in the "Sexual Life" article that appeared last week on the website of Turkey’s Directorate on Religious Affairs, the Diyanet.

It added that if women have to communicate to the opposite sex they "should speak in a manner that will not arouse suspicion in one’s heart and in such seriousness and dignity that they will not let the opposite party misunderstand them."

That's right, Muslim women need to watch what they do and say very closely because if they don't, a man might not be able to prevent himself from raping them because they're acting like they want it. And this is one of the more moderate Muslim countries. Some other countries go so far as to even make people dress or cover the sex organs of goats and other animals, ostensibly because Muslim men can't control themselves when they spy some hot goat shaking it's hairy ass like a bearded little slut.

Why are so many Muslims sexually repressive of their women and yet also still incredibly pissed off? South Park has the answer; in this clip, Mrs. Garrison breaks it all down during Muslim Sensitivity Training: