Tea Party Hip Hop

Who says these people are white (these people are tragically white). Worst. Hip hop concert. Ever:


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The 3D Truth In Old Masters

This is a Samsung viral video pimping their new 3D television technology by showing the secret world behind the works of the old school two dimensional masters. Cool, and kinda funny:


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Celestial Music

If Galileo Galilei had a mixing turntable:

SolarBeat is little website that shows the planets in our solar system orbiting the sun and making a little "ding!" every time they complete a circuit. You can mess with the tempo to alter the music, and if you speed it up all the way and sit around for like 40 years you can finally hear the sound Pluto makes. SPOILER: It sounds like a fork hitting a wine glass.

You can check it out here. This really puts the orbits of respective bodies in our solar system into perspective. And birthday parties on Pluto must be quite the occasion.

TDS: A Farewell To Arms

Does that logo look familiar to you?

If it does, it might be because I lamented it's non-inclusion in this film.

American Power And Intellectual Cowardice

I know I implied in the comment section of another post that I wasn't going to waste any more time on my conservative counterpart Donald Douglas of American Power but I just found this too entertaining. In his post "How Bad For the Democrats in 2010?" Don commences to talk a little shit about a bet I offered him some days back:

Having little knowledge of how congressional elections work, JBW thought he'd attempt to puff out his concave chest a bit, slapping down some nonsensical wager to mask his intellectual impotence and moral depravity:

If ... Don is so certain about Obama's dismal approval ratings translating into epic failure then I'll offer him this meager yet serious wager: $100 says that the Republicans fail to gain a majority in either house of congress this November. I'm making the offer publicly so that every one reading this will be privy to it. I think Obama's a chess master of the highest caliber Don, and he's moved his pieces into position to retain his party's majorities through the remainder of his first term. Care to put your money where your mouth is, Fat Boy Slim?

Just ignore JBW's weightist slur there at the end (the dude's shootin' blanks, so no surprise with the bigotry).

He then cites a RealClearPolitics article that posits the very real possibility that I might lose that bet if Don were to take me up on it but instead of doing so he counters with this ludicrous ploy:

And with that, if JBW's so confident that "Obama's a chess master of the highest caliber," then the Dems shouldn't lose any seats at all. I mean, seriously, President George W. Bush actually gained seats in his first midterm elections in 2002 -- 6 in the House and 2 in the Senate. Since Obambi's so much greater than GWB (well, not, actually, not that lefties care), no doubt JBW will gladly put his money where is weightist-wanker mouth is. $100 says Dems lose seats in 2010. If on the other hand, Obama, like Bush in 2002, gains Democratic seats in Congress this year, I'll cut Brain Rage poser-boy a check for $100 fat ones. "Care to put your money where your mouth is," sexist weightmaster prick?

Apparently in Don's black or white world high caliber chess masters (and yes, I was being just a tad hyperbolic there) never, ever, ever lose a match. Ever. So I answered with the following comment (I'll explain why I'm not linking to it in a second):

Ah, how wondrously simple the world must appear when viewed through the mentality of a six-year-old. I just wrote a short play about this post:

Open: American Power blog

-JBW: Hey Don, I'm gonna flip this coin and I'm calling heads. You wanna bet that I'm wrong?

-Don: No JBW, even though I just posted commentary about how the odds of tails coming up are better than heads and I constantly talk shit about how heads is totally going down that just seems too risky for me. I might lose. So instead I'll bet against the coin landing perfectly balanced on its edge.

-JBW: But, even a child knows that the odds of that bet are drastically different from the one I wagered and that only a great fool would take you up on it. Are you high right now?

-Don: No JBW, drugs are bad and I don't like them so nobody should be allowed to use them but if you don't like that bet how about this one: I'll bet that the sun comes up tomorrow. If Obama is as smart as you say he is then he'll figure out a way to stop it. What do you think?

-JBW: I think you're high.

-Don: Oh yeah? Well I think you're morally depraved and a bigot and EPIC. FAIL. and a wanker and a poser and a sexist and a prick and WEEEIGHTIST!

-JBW: Don't eat too many cupcakes, Chubs.

fin

You have just under 33 hours left to take the bet. In the meantime try to act like a man and quit your crying, Nancy.

I thought that was kind of funny but apparently it made Don a little pissy because not only did he delete it but he also permanently deactivated comments for that post. You can run from the truth and you can run from Weight Watchers but you'll never outrun your own intellectual cowardice, Don. 31 hours and counting, honeysuckle.

[Update: Did I say "pissy", because that's not what I meant but it was damn close. Still waiting, gordito.]

Atheist Barbie

Finally, a toy that teaches children good American values. I think I'll hook her up with my Buddy Christ figurine. Her lunch is the best.

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Priest Off

I fully endorse this product:


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Something Someone Else Said

"From all I can see, the Tea Party movement is not simply about the size and scope of government. If it were, it could be a useful force in our politics, if it only spelled out honestly how to balance the budget without raising taxes. (Even Rand Paul won't be drawn on specifics.) It is a movement about identity politics, in which the US Constitution is an emblem of a certain demographic, and that demographic is as much about the Christianist right as it is about fiscal responsibility. Gingrich hit the two pillars of what they hate: "secularism" and "socialism."

Secularism isn't atheism; it is the principle that religious disputes and political disputes should be regarded in separate categories, for fear of unresolvable sectarian conflict (i.e. culture war). Anti-"socialism" means ... well I'm not sure what exactly. Abolition of social security? Medicare? More tax cuts? I wish I knew.

I don't think it has any real traction or coherence apart from a cultural revulsion against modernity, a majority-minority country, separation of church and state, and an abstract loathing and suspicion of anything to do with government. When they offer us some concrete proposals or policy options, I guess we can make a judgment as to the impact on the GOP. But right now, it feels like a primal. and somewhet elderly, scream." -Andrew Sullivan, The Daily Dish.

Schwarzenegger Reviews The Predators Trailer

I've posted the Predators trailer here and the 160 greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes here so it was only a matter of time before I found this clip combining them (and yes, I know it isn't really him but it's still damn funny):


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American Power And Toothless Photoshopping

Again, my apologies for the extended blogging hiatus. I meant to start up again last night but I was too busy trying to drunkenly pick up sixteen-year-old girls on Facebook and... Heyyyy, wait a minute...

Yes, as you might have guessed the picture above is the latest Photoshop commission by my curvaceous conservative counterpart Donald Douglas of American Power from his post "JBW's Teh AWESOME Saturday Night Pickups!":

JBW's an anything goes Obama-supporting wannabe wifebeater, but the dude does occasionally kick up his heels on a Saturday night!

But hey, I shouldn't judge, being "a tubby, middle-aged neoconservative with an established history of victimology and a pathetic persecution complex."

RELATED: "James B. Webb: Intolerant Sexist Pig."

And in contrast to JBW's demonic blood-soaked Easter sacrilege, see Serr8d, "(A) President at Easter Sunrise Service: A Good Man," and "(B) Women and Children and Men worldwide celebrate Holy Week. Good People."

BONUS: "Living by Faith in God."

Oh if only I had a wife of my own to beat! I guess I'll just have to continue to envy Don on that count. And yes, I did indeed call him a "tubby, middle-aged neoconservative with an established history of victimology and a pathetic persecution complex" (you're wise not to try to argue against that assessment, Don) but in my defense I also said that he was "a fat, greying community college prof on the downward slope of a career" who can't "see his own dick without the assistance of a strategically placed set of mirrors" as well. I just want to give the old timer his full due.

As to the above Photoshop: this is definitely a much better technical effort than the last portrayal of me Don commissioned (sorry, Stogie) and I'd wager that it's most likely what I'd look like if I lived the apparent sedentary lifestyle of a community college professor and treated my own body the way Don does his. He farmed this latest job out to his conservative blogging buddy Serr8d of The Cutting Edge:

Dr. Donald Douglas blasts that lousy lefty loser James B. Webb. Nice photoshop, if I do say so myself. Not this one though; another version. Here's this one...

...capturing the essential nature of JBW; a poorly-conceived attention whore. You saw his Easter present to his kids, didn't you? (If I'd seen that before I created those two pshops, I would've changed some things. James B. Webb would be presenting himself right out of goatse.

As I said, these efforts are somewhat better on a technical level but again the messages seem to be a bit incongruous, much like the sign Serr8d used in the image above (although I doubt that this was something he was aware of at the time):

The red-bordered triangular sign shows a scantily-clad woman, who is also carrying a handbag, in the city of Treviso in northern Italy.

The sign states 'Attenzione Prostitute' - seemingly warning people of prostitutes in the area.

Motorists and pedestrians have complained that the sign is 'confusing', saying they don't know if it means to watch out for crossing hookers or if it means prostitutes operate in the area.

I suppose it's fitting that he'd use a confusing sign to convey an equally confusing message. While I've stated many times on this site that I favor the legalization of prostitution (I'm just funny like that when it comes to the government denying consenting adults their personal freedoms) I've also previously mentioned that I've personally never slept with a prostitute and I really don't have any plans to in the future. Incidentally, in that same post I posed the following questions about personal freedoms and the free market system that I'd wager these supposedly conservative Christians Don and Serr8d (who both seem quite happy to give the government the authority to dictate what you and I and every other American can and can not do with our own bodies) would be hard pressed to answer honestly:

...why is it illegal for me to pay a prostitute for sex but a director can pay two people to have sex on film and then make money selling the DVD? Why is there such a social stigma against prostitutes and johns while Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jameson are treated like celebrities by the media? Why is it that if I pay two people to have sex in my bedroom while I watch it's prostitution but if I watch these same two people on a DVD in my bedroom it's just pornography? And what I consider one of the clearest and most succinct questions on this subject: why is it illegal to sell, what it is perfectly legal to give away?

My own answer to these queries would be "because of religious hypocrisy and how it influences and pertains to the laws of American society" but I'll let them answer for themselves (and yes, I won't be surprised if they decline to do so). Speaking of, I love Serr8d's admission that he would have liked to portray me stretching my own rectum open for the camera (yes, that's what "goatse" means; I told you that you didn't want to know) as retribution against me for not respecting his god as he and Don believe I should. I wonder, What Would Jesus Do to avenge a supposed slight against himself? And oh, won't somebody please think of the children?!

Also speaking of, apparently hitting on and pretending to hit on attractive adult women over the Internets not only makes me an "intolerant sexist pig" in Don's eyes but it also makes me an online ephebophile predator, which brings me to the main point of this post. I use the various Photoshopped pictures I create to accent and add to the main message of the posts they accompany and I try to imbue them with some semblance of coherence (and a bit of humor when I can) as they pertain to that message. In contrast, Don's commissioned Photoshops seem to lack this coherence and he just uses them in and of themselves mainly as attacks against me (which he still won't allow comments on but once an intellectual coward, yada, yada, yada).

To wit: in his post "Living by Faith in God", in which Don intimates among other things that I'm in league with Satan (I know, I laughed at that one too), he promises to follow up on my supposed evility at some later date. You can imagine that I was on the edge of my keyboard with anticipation of what revelations he would disclose about my lack of faith and how it will tragically damn me to everlasting hellfire and what these supposed moral failings (or EPIC. MORAL. FAIL., as Don would serially say) would reveal about me as a "demonic", "fallen", "human defect". You can also imagine my utter disappointment when this promised comeuppance simply and merely took the form of the farmed out image at the top of this post.

So what is the message supposed to be there? Well, in addition to the aforementioned accusation of predatory ephebophilia (brilliantly yet subtly conveyed by writing it on a sign) the main point of the picture, and thus the main point of the entire post since he writes little else, seems to be that Don (who at 5' 10" and over 200 pounds is 25-30 pounds over his ideal weight) is calling me (at 6' 0" and 175 pounds, i.e. medically ideal) fat. Why? Because I make jokes about his weight and since Don is a sensitive boy who has very thin skin for a fat guy, rather than coming up with an original comeback he retaliates by employing the rhetorically impressive and quite classic "Nuh-uh, you are!" defense. Well played. As I said Don, it's a somewhat technically impressive Photoshop but the message seems to be inaccurate at best and illogical at worst and your lack of any interesting or original commentary to accompany it only seems to make you come off as petty and hateful as a result. Hmm, actually that's pretty spot on for you at this point, isn't it Chubsy? Bon appetit, mon gros ami.