How Did You Know, Santa?

I know I've bitched before about the encroachment of Christmas into the purview of the preceding holidays but now that Thanksgiving is over I'm quite alright with Christmas coming early just this once:

Page Six is reporting that right-wing agitator and controversy-seeker Ann Coulter's jaw is wired tightly shut.

I know, I know. If the report is true, It's almost as if our prayers have been answered.

Apparently it was broken, but by whom, no one seems to be sure. We could hazard a guess, but why throw roses yet.

The blogosphere is already aquiver over the idea of a forced Coulter Moment of Silence.

...But here’s the best part about the Coulter broken jaw news. No really, this is really good: Seems she has a brand new book titled "GUILTY” due out in early January and, of course, was all booked on TV and radio talk shows to discuss the “much-needed reality check on a Left gone wild," declares the book's jacket.

Her latest work reportedly exposes and mocks the media's love affair with all things Democrat and all things President-elect Barack Obama.

Too bad Ann won’t be able to say a word about her new book.

Now before any of you tell me what a bastard I am for enjoying this (if it's even true; most of the stories are linking to each other and I haven't found real confirmation yet) I have to ask: have you ever heard this woman speak? Here's a brilliant quote about how we need to all band together as Americans against a common enemy:

Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots, and on the matter of America's self-preservation, the difference is irrelevant.

Oh wait, that's her calling me and every other American who disagrees with her enemies of our own country. OK, how about this classic on the Middle East after we were attacked on 9/11:

We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war.

Yeah, why practice wisdom and intelligence by gathering information and going after the actual bastards who attacked us when you can just declare that all "ragheads" should die for the bloody transgressions of an insane few?

It may surprise you to learn this but I don't think that she actually believes most of these crazy/stupid things she spits out; it all just seems too much like an act or performance art intended to help hock her myriad best-selling books. I've come to this conclusion by observing that she seems too intelligent in her rhetoric to be that stupid, everyone who knows her insists that she isn't like this when the cameras aren't around and Bill Maher defends her as a personal friend (although knowing him, it's probably just because he used to fuck her).

So does this alter my dislike of the woman and everything she says? Nary a wit. The success of her aforementioned best-sellers is a testament to the existence of the millions of right-wing idiots that populate this country and even if she herself is only acting in her role as their repugnant leader these people are obviously serious about slurping up the bullshit she feeds them, which in my mind makes them dangerous and unnecessary to the well-being of this country.

My only complaint about her rumored injuries is that drinking her meals through a straw will only emaciate her all-too-skinny ass even more than it already is; I mean, if I have to listen to a woman spouting stupid and despicable things I disagree with she should at least be someone I enjoy looking at (see: Palin, Sarah), right?