Something Inspired Someone Else Said

"Then, knees touching, neck muscles relaxing, brow drying in the cold dry air, we should drink. Certain things were put upon this earth for our enjoyment, and it’s wasteful and wicked to condemn them," -Barbara Holland, "in praise of the happy hour, the darkened bar, and the winding down of the day".

The New Yorker article I took the quote from begins thusly:

A few weeks ago, the headline of an obituary in the Times caught my eye: “Barbara Holland, Defender of Small Vices, Dies at 77.” A “defender of small vices”—what a fine title by which to be remembered, the kind of informal, appointed job that you didn’t know exists but then seems essential once you do.

I never knew Ms. Holland, nor did I even know of her before today, and although we were divided by forty years and a vast swath of the United States I already consider her a kindred spirit. In Endangered Pleasures I think I may have just found the next submission for my book club.

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It's Everybody Draw Mohammed Day!

Per the South Park episode "200", I've cleverly dressed Mohammed up as a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich to protest the notion that it should be forbidden to display physical depictions of that supposed prophet. Make no mistake though: this is clearly an image of Mohammed and he looks both savory and delicious. I love free speech.

[Update: On a personal note, I would like to wish friend of this blog and Thunder from Down Under magpie's dear momma a very happy birthday from halfway around the world. All the best, Ma'am.]

[Update II: Reason.com lists their favorites, which are all better than mine, most notably because they're all actual drawings.]

KFC Is Practically Daring Me To Eat This... Ctd

Previously discussed here, it drops in less than a week. That sound you just heard was my heart slowing down in anticipation.

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Does Alan Colmes Read Brain Rage?

I was recently perusing my archives looking for a particular post to link to when I came across this one wherein I wrote about Sarah Palin's callous exploitation of her mentally handicapped son Trig as a political prop and I noticed that another site had linked to it in a post about Palin's faux outrage concerning the recent Family Guy episode featuring a Down Syndrome actress. Imagine my surprise when I followed the link and found out that it was from Alan Colmes' website Liberaland (which I've admittedly never heard of before this).

Cool. Does the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game apply online? Because if it does this puts me enticingly close to FOX News' Megyn Kelly. Ouch! And yes I know, Colmes and Hannity don't have a show together anymore but frankly most of the individual pictures of the man were just too gruesome to use for the top of this post so I picked this old publicity still instead. Just kidding, Alan; I need a high-paying job as a liberal commentator and/or political pundit in the worst way. Come on compadre, hook a left leaning brother up! Gracias.

Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn

Are any of you getting tired of all the bacon related goodness floating around the Internets yet? Yeah, neither am I:

Take your snacking to the next level with Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn ($35/2 lbs.). This sweet/savory snack mix incorporates the smokey goodness of bacon and a bit of bourbon with the sweetness of caramel and the crunch of popcorn, resulting in an addictive snack that's a great way to kickstart your next Baconholics Anonymous meeting.

The only thing that would make this any better would be if the bourbon got you drunk while you ate. Delicious and functional.

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The Bacon Beer Mug

Just the fact that someone was able to weave delicious bacon together so tightly that it doesn't leak it's cheesy goodness is quite impressive; I can feel my heart resenting me for even gazing upon it. When I got my class ring in college we had a tradition called "dunking your ring" in which you dropped it into a full pitcher of beer which you then had to chug in the number of seconds as your graduation year (I did it in 90, six faster than my goal) but this chalice of the gods offers a much tastier and greasier challenge.

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Down With The Sickness

The sickness has been creeping up on me for several days now after having started as a small tickle in the back of my throat but it's now come on as a full blown nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever that prevents me from resting comfortably. At least it's cold and raining outside. *sigh* I promise to post what I can in between coughing spasms. And no, I don't think that it's H1N1 Swine Flu, despite my copious intake of bacon.

The £10 English Breakfast Challenge

I love English breakfasts but I'll be honest and admit that this thing looks intimidating as hell:

Check out this ten pound big breakfast challenge being run at a cafe in Westhoughton.

If you can eat it in 20 minutes you get it for free. The only catch is you cannot have a drink with it. I thought it didn’t look too bad until I saw the 10 slices of toast. No chance!

The Big Breakfast Challenge includes 10 fried eggs, 10 slices of bacon, 10 sausages, 10 slices of toast, 5 black puddings, tomatoes, beans and mushrooms.

If you think you can take on the Big Breakfast Challenge you can find it at: Mario’s Cafe, 67 Market St, Westhoughton, Bolton, BL5 3AG. I hope they have enough sausages in for all the people who have seen this offer plastered over the internet.

I'm a notoriously slow eater anyway so I'd obviously never win this thing but I can't think of anything worse than trying to eat ten pieces of toast without drinking something. I'm sure the grease, beans and egg yolks would help force it down but I prefer to actually enjoy my breakfasts and that means copious amounts of OJ must flow. Speaking of, McDonald's opens in three hours and I'm thinking McGriddles. Mmmm, McGriddles...

KFC Is Practically Daring Me To Eat This...

It's called the Double Down Chicken Sandwich and it's pure culinary pornography:

Who dreamed this up? This is perhaps the most insane “sandwich” I have ever seen. A fried chicken patty, 2 slices of cheese, 2 slices of bacon, and another fried chicken patty. Wow. Sorry I don’t have much else to say, it is like the Monster Burger of chicken. My mind is boggled… the funny thing about this sandwich is that it is part of the “unthink kfc” advertising, which has previously only been for grilled chicken.

That's right, it's a cheese and bacon sandwich with pieces of fried chicken instead of bread. Touché, Colonel. This makes up for that whole Famous Bowls fiasco. Here's a crappy cell phone video of the commercial (it's all I could find):

I Draw The Bacon Line

As anyone who reads this site with any regularity can attest: I loves me some bacon. But bacon-flavored vodka is where I draw the greasy line:

Bakon Vodka is a superior quality potato vodka with a savory bacon flavor. It’s clean, crisp, and delicious. This is the only vodka you’ll ever want to use to make a Bloody Mary, and it's a complementary element of both sweet and savory drinks.

Bakon Vodka is also a great Bar-B-Q companion. Use it in a marinade or sip it chilled with a steak. Check out our recipes section for more ideas.

Breakfasts, sandwiches, mayonnaise (which I absolutely abhor) is all fine with me but when you apply this particular meat fetish to martinis you've completely crossed the line with me. No question, pal.

RIP, Baconmania

Anyone who's read this blog for any period of time knows that I loves me some bacon so I was distressed to hear that the recent online trend of all things baconian has now apparently nuked the fridge:

This Is Why You're Fat

Because you know you want to try the Turbaconucken, a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey, all wrapped in bacon. OK, the bacon wrapping is getting almost pornographic at this point. You can check out the other heart damaging, culinary abortions here.

(via Geekologie)

Bacon And Cheese Roll Rules

Like the bacon dogs and deep-fried bananas foster cheesecake previously featured here, this fat laden roll of pork sings a siren song that my taste buds could never resist; check out the final product:
Be still my heart. Whoa, not that still...

Wake n' Bacon

I just found my new alarm clock:

Created by Matty Sallin, Daniel Bartolini, and Hsiao-huh Hsu, the Wake n’ Bacon alarm clock is different from your average variety clock in that it doesn’t use sound or harsh vibration to arouse a weary sleeper. Rather, the unit cooks a slice of bacon for you to fill your bedroom with the smell of breakfast.

The way it works is that a person puts a slice of frozen bacon into the tray of the clock before going to bed. In the morning, the alarm clock then activates ten minutes before the alarm time and turns on two halogen lamps which slowly cook the bacon. Ten minutes later you are supposed to wake with the delicious smell of cooked pork in your bedroom. If that doesn’t do the the trick, then a backup alarm sounds to wake the individual.

I just don't know how long I could take being teased with just one strip of bacon everyday. Maybe I should get something like Pee Wee instead.

Battle Of The Bacon Dogs

Check out this video from Drew Carey and Reason.com about street vendors in LA and their constant struggle against The Man in their quest to provide the public with the salty nitrates they've been clamoring for:
Call me crazy but if you buy a hotdog from a street vendor, you get what you paid for. And if you buy a bacon-wrapped hotdog from a street vendor, you get what you paid for wrapped in bacon. The American people have to stop relying on the government to protect them from every little thing and just take some personal responsibility for their own gastronomical well being. And yes, I know the video obscures part of my oh-so pretty face; obviously the folks over at Reason.tv haven't jumped onto the Brain Rage-format bandwagon yet.

The Bacon Martini

Apparently this unique concoction was invented well over a year ago but I'm just now finding out about the arguably successful fusion of two of my favorite indulgences. I'll be honest: I'm hesitant, yet intrigued.