Something Someone Else Said

Via The Daily Dish:

We had three things that helped us run a very good campaign, and I think this wasn't the case for Clinton or McCain. One, we had a consistent message. What was our slogan the entire primary? "Change we can believe in." We adjusted slightly for the general—"Change we need." That didn't change. That was boring to the press, but that consistency, I think, wore well with voters. And we didn't have meetings every day about how to change our message.

We had an electoral strategy, and the primary contest goal was to try to do well in the early states, and win delegates, in the general to play on the big map. We never adjusted that. And third is we didn't have that internal tension and in-fighting, so we could just focus on doing our damn jobs every day, and executing at a high level. And you're right. I've worked in a lot of campaigns and they've been great experiences, but this was by far the most collegial environment that I've worked in, and it was a real pleasure to go to work every day, and we just had a sense of mission. And that can't be overstated. There weren't a lot of closed doors where people were complaining and we were a unit. And once we made a decision, we had made a decision, and no one second-guessed it.

-David Plouffe, Barack Obama's presidential campaign manager, on how they won

Truly one of the best run campaigns of the modern era. Speaking as someone who's worked on a political campaign, it really is a whole lot easier to go in to work every day when you respect and believe in the person you're working for; I know that sounds really cheesy but it's the truth.

Picture Of The Day

You gotta love these people, for nothing else than the great food and the sheer comedic value that results from their very existence.

PrayerMAX 5000

Hot on the heels of the new age Aquamantra premium natural spring water comes this handy little device that I assume is just as effective:

Savage On Straight Marriage

This story has been all over the news out here in the Bay Area but for those of you not familiar with it, here's a recap:

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - A husband and wife have been charged with torture and other counts after a bruised, terrified 17-year-old showed up at a gym with a chain locked to his ankle, claiming he had just fled his captors, authorities said Tuesday.

Kelly Lau Schumacher, 30, and Michael Schumacher, 34, were arrested late Monday, said Matt Robinson, a spokesman for police in Tracy.

They had been taken into custody for questioning earlier in the day at their home in Tracy, where the emaciated boy was allegedly held against his will. A search of the home turned up evidence implicating the couple, Robinson said. Tracy is about 60 miles east of San Francisco.

They were charged with torture, kidnapping and child abuse, and were set to appear in court Thursday, officials said. Bail was set at $1.2 million for Michael Schumacher but his wife's bail had not been set, authorities said.

Dan Savage over at The Stranger is understandably pissed off and makes a lot of sense to boot:

Kelly and Michael Schumacher are legally married—and they can stay legally married, even if they're found to be guilty of this horrendous crime. They can stay legally married even if the decomposing remains of twenty other teenagers are found buried in their backyard. Their marriage license cannot be revoked. If Michael dies in prison, Kelly can remarry—even if she's serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole. If Kelly decides to divorce Michael, he can remarry—even if he's sitting on death row. He can remarry and divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry and divorce until he runs out of prison pen pals. Because the courts have declared that marriage is so fundamental a right that it cannot be denied to convicted rapists or to serial killers.

But it's a right that's denied to me and my boyfriend. Because we're both men and that ain't right.

You are correct, sir: that indeed ain't right.

Terminator: Salvation

I loved the previous Terminator movies (loving 3 was done in the way you love an amusing in-law) but I can't decide if I like the direction the current one is moving in. I'm a huge fan of origin stories but the time involved between the first and (supposedly) last of this series makes this one seem extremely forced:

Aurora Borealis From Space

This is just one of the many incredible things I hope to see when I finally get to go into space some time in my waning years:

Something Someone Else Said

“I asked him some pretty direct questions...Some of the answers you guys are gonna receive — they appalled me, absolutely. I was angry. In fact, I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him.” -Joe the Plumber, on his talks with then presidential candidate John McCain

Yet he never had the intellectual honesty to just come out and say what he thought of both candidates; later in this story, he's asked why he didn't just leave McCain's campaign if he felt this way and his answer was that Barack Obama's answers appalled him more. So now we've established that Joe the Plumber (Jesus, I feel dumber just referring to him in this manner) was not some straight-talking, no-nonsense, blue-collar hero but rather merely a partisan hack who happily traded whatever integrity and dignity he might have once possessed for his fifteen minutes in the national spotlight. And he'll get his book deal or recording contract or whatever other cash-in opportunity he can wrangle out of this whole charade, only now we'll know the truth about this dishonest douchebag and his motives.

Stewart Gets It; Huckabee: Not So Much

Regular readers know that I'm a supporter of gay marriage rights and that I think the passage of Prop. 8 here in California was a travesty of justice for the gay community at large. True to form, Jon Stewart champions the cause in his interview with former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee (full disclosure: I like Huckabee more than most conservatives on the right, regardless of his views on social issues) so articulately that I can only post the second half with the utmost respect for his political acumen:

The one line I take away from this exchange more than any other is this: "religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality". And yes: I'm linking to my conservative counterpart's post on the subject; not to increase his meager blog traffic but rather to draw attention to the neolithic views he and his acolytes espouse. It's only by exposing these close-minded individuals to the light of day that we'll eventually win this argument.

New Age Aquascam

Full disclosure: I shop at Whole Foods at times and their products are top notch for the most part but this is just silly:

Aquamantra: Premium Natural Spring Water is simply, water that resonates with the energy and frequency of your well-being. The quality of your thoughts determine the quality of your life and NOW your water. We deliver powerful messages to you through the mantras, I AM GRATEFUL™,I AM HEALTHY™, I AM LOVED™ or I AM LUCKY™ .

The thoughts inherent in those words permeate the liquid, influencing the taste and beneficial properties of the water. If you are drinking ‘I am Healthy’ for example, you will resonate with the energy to be healthy. ' I am Loved' will encourage you to feel loved and 'I am Lucky' will encourage you to feel gratitude for your life and how you want to be lucky!

Aquamantra was inspired by a 2004 film, “What the Bleep Do We Know?!” This Movie discussed the underlying quantum mechanics of our world. It showed how reality is changed with every thought. Dr. Masaru Emoto, who was featured in the film, wrote a book called “Hidden Messages in Water,” he showed us the basic principles of quantum theory, whereby the molecular structure of water was changed by a Zen Buddhist monk’s thought. Based on this premise, Aquamantra uses the design on its labels to affect the molecular structure of California natural spring water to make it more refreshing and wholesome to drink.

I watched What the Bleep Do We Know?! while I was stuck on the side of a mountain in a snow storm for eight hours with a buddy, a laptop and this sole DVD waiting for the roads to Tahoe to open back up and I can say unequivocally that it was a bunch of invented new age tripe, as evidenced by Whole Foods' explanation of how their Aquamantra water works:

Its good that you are asking this crucial question...How did we create our water? First, we saw how Dr. Masaru Emoto featured in the film "What the Bleep" did experimentation with water and crystals, and observed how the water looked after he froze his samples. He took a bottle of distilled water and wrote the japanese symbol; the chi of love, taped it to the bottle and left it overnight. The before and after pictures are fascinating and gorgeous.

We tested his theories by labeling purified water with words, and then phrases that inspire to see if the flavor matched the beauty of the images. Sure as day, the flavor of the water changed when we wrote sayings like I am loved, I am passionate, I am healthy, etc.

You think we're kidding? Take a piece of scotch tape and write "I Hate You" on the water, leave it overnight, in the morning take a sip of your "hate" water then take a sip of your regular water. Email us your feedback... we'll anxious to learn your findings. That is precisely how we created Aquamantra. The words actually change the molecular structure of the water, and most definitely changes the flavor of the water to taste deliciously smooth.

That's right, all you have to do is write a message (in one of several languages, apparently; who knew water was a polyglot?) on the bottle and the taste of the water will change in response (this process takes about 8 hours, again apparently) to the negative or positive tone of your message.

Now that we know the process they used to create this inspirational libation my next question is this: why can't I just refill my water bottles with tap water (which I do already; Danville water is some of the best in the country) and label them with positive messages like "I'm the jinkiest!" or "Wow, my cock is huge!" to achieve these same results? Oh wait, I can:

Now you can change your 5 - Gallon of bottled water at home into Aquamantra's I AM LOVED water.
Just put the Label on your 5 -Gallon, pitcher, Brita Filter Container, Sports Bottle or whatever you want... leave it overnight and in the morning drink refreshingly smooth I AM LOVED water. Repeat the mantra with every delicious sip and experience the flavor of 100% pure thought. These stickers are re-usable up to 2 - 3 times.

Cost: $5.00 plus $1.25 shipping and handling ( per order )

But it seems that the positive invocation will only work if you purchase the official Aquamantra labels from Whole Foods, and only 2-3 times at that. But what about the scotch tape example cited above? Does the tape only work once? And if I'm paying for them, isn't there some way to improve the manufacturing process (which seems to consist merely of printing ink on to a sticker) to make them last longer? Does overuse permanently leech the positivity out of the plastic and glue or can I still get some taste benefits by using old labels?

Now let me posit another, more likely explanation for all of these seeming disparities in their advertising: this product is straight up, 100% bullshit. This is an actual, publicly traded company! Whole Foods is a corporate creation that dismantles local food webs, not a "green" company that promotes the organic food movement. Since religion has cornered the market on "holy water" and the American public is (hopefully) too smart to fall outright for a product labeled "magic water", Aquamantra decided to incorporate ephemeral, new age attributes into their marketing campaign to take advantage of some of the more scatterbrained granola eaters that frequent your local Whole Foods stores. Way to cash in that karma, guys.

President Goofus And President Gallant

Look, I understand the whole idea behind a smooth transition of power in a democratic society and if the outgoing president has done a good job and all is going fairly well with our country I have no problem allowing him to take some time to bask in the limelight but come on! We're in some pretty tough straits here as far as the economy and our national security go and all of this "we only have one president at a time" crap just isn't gonna cut it; I'm in complete agreement with Stewart on this one: just give us our bike!