RIP, Walter Cronkite

An American news legend passed away last night:

(CBS) The "most trusted man in America" is gone.

Walter Cronkite, who personified television journalism for more than a generation as anchor and managing editor of the "CBS Evening News," has died. CBS vice president Linda Mason says Cronkite died at 7:42 p.m. Friday with his family by his side at his home in New York after a long illness. He was 92.

Known for his steady and straightforward delivery, his trim moustache, and his iconic sign-off line -"That’s the way it is" - Cronkite dominated the television news industry during one of the most volatile periods of American history. He broke the news of the Kennedy assassination, reported extensively on Vietnam and Civil Rights and Watergate, and seemed to be the very embodiment of TV journalism.

To be completely honest, I've never really felt a connection or even much of an affiliation with Cronkite. He was simply too far removed from me generationally. If my grandparents were alive today they'd probably have some heartfelt sentiments to share about the man and what he meant to their generation but for someone who's grown up engulfed in the cacophony of the 24-hour news cycle which has now been subsequently engulfed within the vast, global maw of the Internet old time newsmen like Cronkite are just very difficult to relate to for people from my generation.

So you're probably now asking, "Why the 'RIP' post, JBW? Folks die all the time and you rarely take the time to honor them unless you seem to have had a real personal affinity for them." That's true, and even the traditionally ubiquitous "RIP" undermines my own atheistic beliefs. I don't really believe that Cronkite is "resting in peace", I just believe that he's dead and gone. I don't believe that he's singing in a cloud choir anymore than I believe that he's roasting in a lake of fire. He's simply deceased. But when he was alive he, a famous orator known for his pithy take on events of incredible historical significance, was rendered virtually speechless when mankind finally set foot upon another world beyond our own:


And that's why I'll always feel a kinship towards the man. Because I share that childlike awe that the human species was able to accomplish such an extraordinary feat, even though it happened half a decade before my own birth. When I watch a speechless Walter Cronkite remove his glasses and wipe his face in obvious wonder at the scientific achievements of mankind I share that same wonder, and I like to think that people like myself are keeping it alive now that he's passed on.

RIP, Gladys Prior

My grandma died yesterday. My grandpa died several years before her and she was pretty much out of it most of the time while staying at an assisted living facility so I think that it was for the best. My family knows that she and I didn't see eye to eye on many things and there was definitely some tension between us while she was still lucid but I loved her nonetheless. I don't like posting extremely personal thoughts here so that's all I'm going to write about this.

RIP, Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson, the undisputed King of Pop, died yesterday at the age of 50. Thriller was the very first album (cassette tape) I ever bought when I was a kid and I completely wore that thing out listening to it so much. Just as with OJ Simpson, I've found myself torn on the subject of Jackson and his life of late. I mean, I loved the running plays and the music but the murdering and the child-molesting? Not so much. Jackson obviously had plenty of personal demons though and while they don't excuse some of his more outrageous lifestyle choices they do go a long way toward explaining them. I'm listening to Billie Jean as I write this in memoriam. Moonwalking off, stage left...

RIP, Sir Arthur C. Clarke

Science-fiction author, inventor and futurist Arthur C. Clarke died today at age 90. He shared an Academy Award nomination with Stanley Kubrick for best adapted screenplay for 2001: A Space Odyssey based on one of his short stories and was widely credited for the idea of the telecommunications satellite which he never patented, prompting a 1965 essay that he subtitled, "How I Lost a Billion Dollars in My Spare Time."

In a videotaped message to fans on his last birthday, he said that he still hoped to see some sign of intelligent life beyond Earth, wanted to see more progress on alternative fuels and wished for an end to the 25-year civil war between ethnic Tamil separatists and the government of Sri Lanka, where he had lived since the 1950's.

He was convinced that with the emergence of commercial space flight a "Golden Age" of space travel was just beginning:

"Over the next 50 years, thousands of people will travel to Earth orbit -- and then, to the moon and beyond. Space travel and space tourism will one day become almost as commonplace as flying to exotic destinations on our own planet."

I, for one, can not wait.

Miller Brings The Unfunny For O'Reilly

Per a statement I made a few days ago about right-wing attempts at comedy a reader Tim left the following response in the comment section:

But what about Dennis Miller?! He's funny!

Wait a sec...he WAS funny. When he was a Democrat.

The terrorists definitely won that battle.

To drive the point home about Miller's now apparent dearth of funny here he is in his current incarnation as Bill O'Reilly's go-to butt boy for slamming President Obama multi-syllabically with obscure references:

"That Norman Rockwell hoi polloi demo"? Has this guy been paying attention to American politics for the last couple of years? Obama is all Norman Rockwell! The smart and beautiful wife, the two perfectly cute little girls, the new fucking dog, for Christ's sake. Yeah, he acts like the cool kid but it's in more of a Fresh Prince meets Beaver Cleever kind of way. Now I obviously like the guy and I think that he's done a pretty good job as the Prez so far but to be honest, seeing families this straight-laced and wholesome makes me want to bathe myself in sin.

I wrote this in response to Tim's comment but I'm now adding it officially as part of this post: I know that it's very un-PC of me to say this but of all the deaths on 9/11, the loss of Dennis Miller's sense of humor affected me the most. RIP, rants.

Nick Cage Is Kick Ass

I have no idea what this movie is about but I have to admit that this short trailer intrigued me:


Based upon this extraordinarily obvious Batman rip-off accompanying movie poster:

I assume that he's training his daughter to become some type of superhero/urban vigilante, which I can totally respect. My own childhood superhero training was rather abysmal (my old man never even taught me how to fight, much less how to take a bullet) so I can understand Cage's character's motivations. If I'm not raising superheroes, then what the fuck am I doing here? Right?

(via)

RIP, Issac Hayes

Isaac Hayes was found dead in his Memphis, Tennessee home this morning at the age of 65. The police do not suspect any foul play. Hayes was best known by people over 40 for his sweet-ass rendition of the theme song to the 1971 blaxploitation film Shaft, for which he earned an Academy Award for Best Original Song (the first Academy Award received by an African-American in a non-acting category) and two Grammys. He was best known to people under 40 as the voice of Chef on South Park.

For anyone who doesn't watch the show, South Park regularly and unapologetically skewers various aspects and institutions of culture, with religion being no exception. They've made fun of Christianity, Catholicism, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and Mormonism and Hayes seemed to have no problem contributing to those shows but when they went after the relatively secretive Church of Scientology (making sure to tell the viewers in frequent captions that "This is what Scientologists actually believe") Hayes decided to quit the show. I have to say that as much as liked Isaac Hayes and his work I found this to be highly hypocritical; it was as if he was saying that there should be a different set of free speech standards when it comes to his religion and I highly disagree. Unfortunately, this seems to be a running theme in Scientology.

That aside, I do love the theme to Shaft and I miss his character on South Park. Matt Stone and Trey Parker commented on the departure of Hayes from their show in the episode The Return of Chef, so I'll let Kyle deliver the eulogy:

RIP, Stan Winston

A legend in the effects industry quietly passes from this world:

Stan Winston, the renowned makeup, creature- and visual-effects wizard whose memorable work on "Aliens," "Terminator 2: Judgment Day" and "Jurassic Park" earned him four Academy Awards, has died. He was 62.

Winston died of complications from multiple myeloma Sunday at his home in Malibu, said his son, actor Matt Winston...

Winston, as the New Yorker magazine described several years ago, was known for "almost single-handedly elevating the craft of creature making from the somewhat comic man-in-a-rubber-suit monsters of the 1950s and '60s to animatronics -- electronically animated, part-robot, part-puppet creatures that have terrified millions of moviegoers."

Indeed, among the creations to come out of the Stan Winston Studio: the menacing, 14-foot-tall Alien Queen in "Aliens," the extraterrestrial jungle creature in "Predator," the futuristic cyborg assassins in the "Terminator" movies, and the life-size dinosaurs in the " Jurassic Park" movies, which included a frightening life-size Tyrannosaurus rex.

As an avid sci-fi movie fan growing up, I've probably seen more of Winston's work on screen than I could possibly recall, but the real genius of his art was the stuff you didn't see: special effects that were so beautiful and seemless that you couldn't discern where the fantasy ended and reality began. I remember seeing and hearing that T-Rex bellow when I first watched Jurassic Park in the theatre; I still get goose bumps and a ringing in my ear when I think about it. The special effects industry in Hollywood now stands on the thin shoulders of this groundbreaking innovator.

RIP, Greg Giraldo

I can't say he was one of my favorite comedians but I really liked this guy (no homo):

Comedian Greg Giraldo — well-known for his work on such programs as Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil, several Comedy Central roasts, and NBC’s Last Comic Standing — has passed away. Both Comedy Central and NBC confirmed the comedian died Wednesday in a New Brunswick, N.J., hospital, just days after being hospitalized, reportedly for a prescription pill overdose.

He was 44 years old. Giraldo was known as the King of the Roast in regard to the Friar's Club roasts routinely broadcast on Comedy Central. His set at David Hasselhoff's roast a few months back absolutely killed (warning, this is a roast):


[Update: The video has already been taken down. Fucking Viacom. Wait a few days and then try to find it again; you won't be sorry.]

RIP, John Hughes

John Hughes, writer and director of some of the greatest teen high school movies from the 1980's died yesterday of a heart attack whilst out for a walk in New York City. He was 59. When I was a kid I watched Sixteen Candles ("Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?"), Weird Science ("Wyatt, your kitchen is blue!"), The Breakfast Club ("Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?") and Ferris Bueller's Day Off ("You killed the car.") more times than I could ever hope to count. He made other hits like Planes, Trains and Automobiles and Home Alone but the flicks set in the fictional town of Shermer, Illinois were always my favorites. Jay and Silent Bob know exactly what I'm talking about (please excuse the audio/video sync):

Goodbye Jesse Helms

Regular readers might notice the lack of my usual RIP; from Dispatches From The Culture Wars:

Jesse Helms died on the 4th of July and the nation celebrated with fireworks, BBQs and a day off for everyone. I can't think of a single nice to thing to say about him so I'll say accurate things instead. It is a matter of some dispute whether Helms' most obvious and prominent attribute was his ignorance or his bigotry. He was a malevolent voice for obscurantism and anti-modernism in every conceivable way. This was a man who, as late as 1995, was declaring that the Washington Post and the New York Times were "infested with homosexuals" and called gays "morally sick wretches." This is also the man who called the University of North Carolina the "university of negroes and communists" and who said, in response to vigils on college campuses by students in the wake of Martin Luther King's death, "They should ask their parents if it would be all right for their son or daughter to marry a Negro." No, I won't miss him, nor will the world. Rot in peace.

I've never had any problem speaking ill of the dead when they deserve it and I still don't, so fuck you, Jesse Helms; we're all better off as a race without this hateful bastard. Amen.

RIP, Baconmania

Anyone who's read this blog for any period of time knows that I loves me some bacon so I was distressed to hear that the recent online trend of all things baconian has now apparently nuked the fridge:

Patrick Swayze, RIP

Actor Patrick Swayze died yesterday of pancreatic cancer, which from what I hear is one of the worst, most painful cancers one can get. He was 57 years old. Swayze became a star after appearing in the eighties chick flicks Ghost and Dirty Dancing but I'll always remember him for his work in the eighties kick-ass flicks Road House and Point Break, both of which I've seen probably a hundred times each.

To lighten the mood, here's part of a classic SNL sketch that he and Chris Farley did together years ago:

Who would have guessed when this was made that they'd both be gone this soon? Sad.

RIP, Gary Coleman

This is a sad one. I saw this kid on TV and in movies so much when I was younger I feel like I grew up with him, and his was sometimes a hard life to watch. Man, first Michael Jackson and now this. I hope someone's looking out for Emmanuel Lewis.

(Update: Dennis Hopper now too. Coleman just became Farrah Fawcett to Hopper's Michael Jackson.]

RIP, George Carlin

Counter-culture comedian George Carlin died yesterday of massive heart failure at the age of 71. He was known for various characters and bits from his stand up act, including the Hippie-Dippie Weatherman and the Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television, which got him arrested and led to a landmark indecency case before the Supreme Court. In November he was slated to receive the 2008 Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, given by the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. As I get older I'm starting to realize that I'll be doing a lot of posts like this:

RIP, Robert Mondavi

Robert Mondavi, the pioneering winemaker that put Northern California on the same par with Western Europe, died peacefully at his home in Yountville today. An enthusiastic proponent of the health benefits of moderate consumption of wine, he championed the use of cold fermentation, stainless steel tanks and French oak barrels. He also introduced blind tastings in Napa Valley and his winery was amongst the first to go public. Sometimes overshadowed by the familial turmoil that has become a dramatic California wine country legend, his winery produced consistently amazing vintages year after year, making his one of the most widely recognized and respected names in California viticulture. Raise a glass.

Could A Human Beat A T. Rex At Arm Wrestling?

I've dated girls with bigger guns than those girly reptiles:

“First, we’re assuming that the T. rex won’t just eat the person, right?” asks Jack Conrad, a vertebrate paleontologist at the American Museum of Natural History in New York. Right. This is a sanctioned match, and killing your opponent is strictly against the rules. Who's coming out on top?

“Doesn’t matter,” Conrad says. “There’s no chance that any human alive could win.” The T. rex’s arms might have looked wimpy, but they were extremely strong. Each was about three feet long and, based on the size of the arm bones and analysis of the spots where muscle attached to the bone, they were jacked. “The bicep alone—and this is a conservative estimate—could curl 430 pounds,” Conrad says. Even the beefiest humans max out at around an embarrassing 260 pounds.

Surely an Over the Top–era Sylvester Stallone would put up a good fight? “Not even Lou Ferrigno in his prime would stand a chance,” Conrad says. “They didn’t just have big biceps. Their chest and shoulder muscles were huge too. They had huge arms and shoulders—bigger than my leg. They had the strength to rip a human’s arm right out of its socket.”

Although he does go on to say that since the T. Rex could only move his arms up and down Barbie doll-style Ferrigno might win it on a technicality. I have to admit that I've always considered the T. Rex's arms almost comically tiny but I suppose this is just an indication of how truly massive and powerful an animal they were.

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