9/12 Mindset: Police Detonate Suspicious Pony

I used to detonate my little sister's My Little Ponies via my G. I. Joe action figures and some strategically placed firecrackers but this is much more impressive:


I would just like to inform my local police department that I've heard and/or seen some suspicious activity coming from the black Lamborghini that's usually parked across two parking spots at my local Starbucks. Have at it, boys.

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Picture Of The Day

An "Impeach Obama" van found on the streets of Chicago. Part of some "grassroots" citizen uprising concerned about communism or Hitler or some such equally horrifying historical happening coupled with a nonconcurrent fear based in total reality, no doubt. Straws are now being grasped at...

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Something Someone Else Said

"Pick something that you pay no attention to. For my dad, I always suggest NASCAR. My dad has read a sports page every day since he was a little kid; he still gets (as do I) a real, honest-to-goodness local newspaper on his front porch every morning. He must have seen the names of NASCAR drivers thousands of times, but odds are he's only stopped to read a story if it had something in the headline that really caught his attention (someone from the Bronx, or Jewish, or both, might do it). If you asked him to name a NASCAR driver he'd probably look at you as if you were nuts...but if you named some of them, he'd probably recognize the names. The idea is that lots and lots of people have about that level of knowledge about most of what happens in politics. It's just background noise. We, the people who write and read political blogs, and watch debates, and pay attention to politics even in the off season --we're the minority." -Jonathan Bernstein, A plain blog about politics.

The analogy of NASCAR drivers is an apt one for me. Even when I got a paper back in the day I always found the sports section extremely boring and rarely read it but because of SportsCenter on ESPN my knowledge level of NASCAR is similar to that of Bernstein's father. I have to say that if the average American's knowledge of politics is indeed comparable to my own ignorance about NASCAR then it's no wonder we wallow in this perpetual cycle of electing corrupt politicians to a bloated inefficient bureaucracy. I mean, George W. Bush actually got reelected after all of the stupid shit he did during his first term in office. If that doesn't indicate that most Americans aren't paying attention to the actions of their elected officials then I don't know what does. It's lines of thought like this that scare me into considering the possibility that Sarah Palin just might be able to win the presidency someday: because lazy, ignorant people vote. Busch/Earnhardt Jr. in 2012!

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Running On Empty

Imagine life without Henry Ford:


Beautifully apocalyptic:

I live in Los Angeles. I drive in Los Angeles. I think about traffic a lot in Los Angeles. A few months ago, I discovered Matt Logue’s Empty LA photographs. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but every time I was stuck in rush hour all-hour traffic, I found myself thinking, “What if tomorrow everyone’s car disappeared.”

One of my favorite comedians does a bit about what it was like to live in New York City right after 9/11 and how surreal it was to see streets normally bustling with people and traffic 24 hours a day suddenly standing completely empty. I found the movie I Am Legend to be similarly surreal (and the hyper-charged, meth-head zombies only contributed to this feeling).

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Brain Rage Porn

It's being used to sell cars but I'm posting it because I think smart is sexy:


I like to think that intelligence and pleasure are two important elements of this blog. I hope you do too.

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How GM Paid Back It's Bailout Loans "In Full"

I was wondering how they were able to do this so quickly:


Figures. For the record, I drive Japanese.

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Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Sorry, Sweetheart. Fuel pumps are a bitch.

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Welcome To Concord

Some free advice from me to you: If you move to Concord, don't park your car out on the street. This is what I woke up to this morning. Bunch of savages in this town...

Busy, Busy, Busy

No time for blogging today. I speculatively bought some clunkers that I'm going to turn in for cash, and then I'm going to do the same thing with my old, useless grandmother. I'm going to use the cash I make to buy a new iPhone. Thank you President Obama, for a health care plan that finally makes sense: euthanizing the elderly involuntarily. That's pretty much the entire plan, right? Obama! Nihilism! Wooo!

Han Solo, P. I.

Continuing with the pop culture movie theme (and two of my favorite childhood memories), it appears that Solo and Magnum are indeed long lost brothers. Of course, it would have made flying through space a lot tougher if they had to keep the Millenium Falcon's top down to accommodate Chewbacca's furry melon. Did you ever notice that Magnum never drives the Ferrari with the top closed? Selleck's a tall guy:


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Picture Of The Day

I know some people with a DUI that might not find this picture very funny. I also know some people with a DUI who would find it hilarious. I have some fucked up friends.

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Ferris Bueller's Ferrari House For Sale

I guess the Frye's finally got a divorce:

Here's your chance to own a piece of cinematic history - the location where Ferris Bueller's pal Cameron accidentally sent his father's prized Ferrari plunging through a picturesque plate glass window into the ravine below.

"The Ben Rose Home - site of the famous movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Cantilevered over the ravine, these two steel and glass buildings - which can never be duplicated - have incredible vistas of the surrounding woods. This is a unique property designed by A. James Speyer and David Haid, both notable architects of the 20th Century."

These magnificent examples of mid-century minimalism (that's an exterior shot of the garage on the left) can be yours for only $2,300,000, or $433.96 per square foot.

This place is a dump without the Ferrari. Just saying.

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Why They Hate Us

Because of spoiled little cunts like this:

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you upset that I used the verboten word "cunt" in referring to this adolescent waste of space? Well, too fucking bad. I calls 'em as I sees 'em, and this little bitch is a spoiled cunt. USA, USA, right? Right!? Jesus...

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Woman Calls 911 From Inside Locked Car

Wow:

One would assume that this woman had to have actually passed a written and driving test to eventually find herself in this situation but how is that possible? Just one more example of technology hampering Darwinian natural selection. If she somehow figures out the mechanics of copulation and breeding we're in big trouble as a society.

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Mythbusters Pancake Car With Rocket Sled

I don't think there's a red-blooded straight man on the planet who wouldn't want to participate in an experiment like this. Awesome is such an overused word but...:

Picture Of The Day

"So join now, 'cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Govern Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than just being really, really, really presidential. Right, kids?" I love this picture.

(hat tip: one L bil)

Join The Ukrainian Army!

Yes, this is an actual recruitment ad for the Ukrainian army. The guy with the Beemer never stood a chance:

Back To The Future Alternate Ending

If you're like me you probably haven't seen this alternate ending to Back to the Future until now:

This is why I am an advocate for requiring senior citizens to take regular driving tests after a certain age. How many more starships can we afford to lose?

Presidential Motorcade Black Trucks

I posted about President Obama's rocket-proof presidential car last month but I had no idea that the trucks that accompany it were so lethally bad-ass:

Have you ever wondered what all those extra SUVs are in the Presidential or VIP motorcades? The ones with blacked out windows that no one gets in or out of. No, they’re not just filled with secret service or hangers on. Well, that’s part of it, but it’s not the whole story. They also have a 6-barreled 7.62mm mini gun. It can fire over 4,000 rounds per minute, and when in operation the wipers need to be run to remove spent casings.

I would guess that the video below might deter most future shoe throwers from going after Obama as long as he has these beasts following him around:

La Chance

Oh, to be this lucky; a few of these are fake but most are pretty cool: