If Twitter Were Human

This comparison seems to explain my inherent aversion to this narcissistic application:

… at the risk of unilaterally offending 14 million people, I need to say this: If Twitter were a person, it would be an emotionally unstable person. It would be that person we avoid at parties and whose calls we don’t pick up. It would be the person whose willingness to confide in us at first seems intriguing and flattering but eventually makes us feel kind of gross because the friendship is unearned and the confidence is unjustified. The human incarnation of Twitter, in other words, is the person we all feel sorry for, the person we suspect might be a bit mentally ill, the tragic oversharer.

I suppose that this will come off as a bit harsh but I absolutely can not stand people like this. They have zero capacity for viewing the world in any way that does not impact or apply directly to themselves; they are emotional leeches. I realize that many people have problems well out of their control that lead to this kind of restricted perspective but I just can not get past their oblivious self-centeredness.

It's hard for me to imagine having such a high opinion of yourself that you would expect other people to closely follow a rapid-burst narrative on the banalities of your day. We all wait in line at Starbucks, it's not an activity that needs to be called attention to or communicated to others. This is why I don't Twitter, and also why I mock the twits who do.