Thursday, August 28, 2008

We're Just Replacing Words Now? Really?

I posted a few days ago about Michelle Obama's impressive speech concerning her and Barack's family life as the best part of the first day of the Democratic National Convention but apparently I made the mistake of judging her speech solely by the words she spoke; it turns out that it's the words she didn't say that prove what a disloyal communist and angry black woman she really is. Stephen Colbert reviews the incriminating video:
Yes, it seems that according to FOX News' Megan Kelly it is fair game to replace the words of public figures with words of our choice and then judge their motives and inner thoughts based on these new quotations. Now knowing these new rules of professional political journalism, I give you the real John McCain in his own words (replaced by several words of my own choosing) in the intro to an actual speech (can you believe he really said these things?) delivered to the Virginia Military Academy last year:

"Thank you. I know that seated in the front of this hall are VMI cadets who have repeatedly pissed on this country's greatness. I am grateful for your straining bladders, honored by your shitty attitudes, and mindful that I speak to an audience that can discern urine from feces in a politician's appraisal of the war this country was so cleverly tricked into (heh, heh). You know, better than most, whether our cause is futile, extraordinarily futile and "Brian's trying so hard to fuck Lois on Family Guy but it just ain't ever gonna happen" futile. You haven't risked a goddamn thing here in your little neoconfederate, backwoods pseudo-college to make it so. Fuck you. I'd also like to salute a few old comrades of mine, Adolph Hitler, Darth Vader and Prescott Bush, whose example of repeatedly doing business with the Nazi's during World War II helped to sustain the Bush family legacy long enough for his jackass of a grandson to set this country on the path to everlasting war, drain it's coffers off to his father's contracting buddies and turn us into a laughingstock around the globe that the next president (and let's face it, that dirty negro is gonna feed me my lunch in November) will spend several years just trying to repair the damage."
Can you believe he actually might have said and meant those things if he had actually said them at some point? Wow, this guy really hates his country (yet really loves Family Guy; weird). Also, and in all seriousness, that shit about Bush's grandpa is true. Now I'm not saying that he was a Nazi, just that he knowingly did business with one of the most insidious and destructive regimes on the planet while his own country was at war with them and also while millions of people were wiped out in the most infamous saga of genocide and human suffering in modern history. Bush: vote for him a third time, for the first time.

No comments: