Monday, March 9, 2009

I Don't Think Suzanna Logan Likes Me...

So last week my conservative counterpart Donald Douglas announced the addition of a purported bright young talent to the political blogosphere, one Miss Suzanna Logan. Now of course Suzanna and I probably don't agree on many things political but one glance at the totally non-Photoshopped picture above will give you some idea as to why I eventually noticed her and her... talent.

Don later followed up his initial endorsement of this lovely lady's site by posting a "lilting refrain" she had composed as a tribute to her home (and my adopted) state of California:

Oh, give me a home
Where the immigrants roam
Where the queers and the lesbians play
Where seldom is heard, a rational word
And the sky-high-taxes are not going awaaaaay.
Now full disclosure compels me to admit that I really had not seen what she looked like when I wrote the first comment she reproduces in her post about me:
Apparently, yesterday's lilting refrain ruffled some feathers. Via Don Douglas' mention of my last post and in response to his reminder that "THIS IS HUMOR!" one commenter writes:

"No, Don, this is proof that Republicans suck at humor. She should have included the words 'fags' and 'n*ggers,' it would have appealed more to your base."

Then, in a skillfull showing of typical leftist hypocrisy, he posts this just minutes later:

"I just saw Logan's picture. I take back anything negative I just said about her (as long as she never speaks).

Clearly, a perceived sexual orientation bias by someone else is akin to blasphemy, but blatant sexism when they're the one's dishing it out? Well, that's just par for the liberal course.
Dude, I'm such a hypocrite! How can I be against the denigration of millions of Americans for nothing more than what they find sexually attractive when my own sense of humor is clearly influenced by my libido? I replied thusly:
Awww, Suzanna. I don't hate you, honeybunch. And I don't know you well enough to know if you have a sexual orientation bias, I probably just perceived you that way based on my experiences with other straight people who casually refer to homosexuals as "queers".

And I'd say that blasphemy is a bit strong. I don't even believe in a god. I grew up in Texas, darlin. There isn't much you can say that will upset me and I don't have a PC bone in my body. My feathers are far from ruffled, pumpkin.

So go ahead and hate or not hate the queers (is it hypocritical of me to call them that now?) all you like, sweetness. I think it's super cool when you broads think for yourselves.

And I never said that you offended me, just that you weren't funny. That's OK, humor is a hard concept to grasp. That's why most successful comedians are men, babydoll.

If you haven't noticed at this point, I'm being blatantly over the top in my use of sexist rhetoric to mock your outrage at my little comment. I have a mother and three little sisters; I'm not a sexist, I just play one on the Interwebs (perhaps I should lower my intake of Rush Limbaugh).

I said that I find you physically attractive. It was a compliment and you should take it as such. You shouldn't lower yourself to the level of the jack booted feminists. And if you keep writing posts like this one I may have to rethink my assessment of your sense of humor. But having a persecution complex is just par for the conservative course, I suppose.

So let's agree to disagree about politics and agree to agree that I think you're hot. If you're ever in the Bay Area I'd love to buy you a drink and see where things go from there. Am I still being sexist? Who knows? That's why it's fun...
As you might have guessed I'm eagerly awaiting Suzanna's response, but is what she has to say really even important? I can only hope to find out. *Wink, wink; nudge, nudge*

[Update: Suzanna responds in the comments:
JBW: We can agree to disagree on politics and agree to agree that you think I'm hot with one condition: You agree to never call me (or any other female) "pumpkin" again. Deal? :-)
To which I respond:
Suzanna, apologies for the "pumpkin". I was running low on sexist epithets and I was afraid that "sweettits" might actually offend you. I promise to lead with my heart from now on...

...It's been fun, Suzanna. I've put together a retrospective of our trials and tribulations here. Let me know when you'd like that drink, sweettits.
Call this unwarranted optimism on my part but I think I see potential here.]

[Update II: Robert Stacy McCain (no, the other McCain, and yes, Stacy), Suzanna's apparent mentor, commented thusly:
If nothing else, your recruitment to the right-wing blogosphere has made one liberal idiot regret his idiocy. My Boy Scout good deed of the day!
To which I replied:
RSMcC, wow! A guy I've heard of who has the same name as the other guy I've heard of who got beaten by Barack Obama in the race for president called me a "liberal idiot". My political blogger street cred is increasing.
But that rhetorical knife wasn't twisted hard enough for the other McC. He also posted this at his own site:

Idiot liberal guy: 'I take it back, because she's a hottie'

"Clearly, a perceived sexual orientation bias by someone else is akin to blasphemy, but blatant sexism when they're the ones dishing it out? Well, that's just par for the liberal course."
-- Clever S. Logan, in response to an idiot who rescinded his condemnation of her alleged "homophobia" after seeing her photo

(See, this is my fundamental career problem. I'm too ugly to merit an apology from anyone.)
Did you see that? I evolved from "liberal idiot" to "idiot liberal guy" in just over 45 minutes! It's gonna be hard to walk soon with all of this liberal blogger cred swinging between my legs. Good thing I blog sitting on my couch.

And yes Rob, you are. Think about getting some lips, dude. To think, this all started because I don't have a sense of humor...]

[Update III: Suzanna Logan likes me. I knew she couldn't resist forever:
JBW, can't we all just be friends? This linking orgy we all seem to be having is wearing me out. True, I don't normally make friends with the "liberal idiot guy," but in your case - because you like Southern food - I'll make an exception.

Forever yours,
I'm in, baby. Now I need a believable excuse for why I "just happened to be in the neighborhood" of Birmingham, AL. Crawfish boil? NASCAR event? I'll think of something.]


Anonymous said...

It's alright to use any racial or sexual slur, as long as it's accompanied by "THIS IS HUMOR."

The only drawback to this strategy is that, I believe, the quotation marks may actually negate the message that it's humor.

They seem to be used the the same manner as air quotes, otherwise there's no explanation for their existence.

BTW, I don't think humor has a gender correlation. I think it's conservatives that suck at it. Most good humor is, at least in part self-deprecating (toward yourself or your group). Conservatives only like to put down others, usually those weaker in some way than themselves. And that's just being a bully.

JBW said...

I punctuated my similar comment about the failings of conservative humor here, DLB. I think I have a new blog crush...

S.logan said...

JBW, can't we all just be friends? This linking orgy we all seem to be having is wearing me out. True, I don't normally make friends with the "liberal idiot guy," but in your case - because you like Southern food - I'll make an exception.

Forever yours,

JBW said...

So you're telling me there's a chance...

Friends would be a good start, Suzanna. We'll talk about that drink some other time. Good luck with your new site, darlin (you'll still always be Sweetits to me).

Joe Kelly said...

Jesus Christ Almighty JBW. I get on Don for his incessent cuts and pastes and get banned. You rip him more than I ever did and his hot disciple chick lets you call her "Sweetits." I can't even call my own wife sweetits. At least not before 2 marguaritas.

Donald digs you. Right wing chicks like Grace Explosion and Sweetits dig you. How do you find time to blog man?

Soory about The Editor. Was logged on to my sister site. T101.

repsac3 said...

S.logan, you have nothing to fear... You're already much funnier--even intentionally--than your male mentors. A little bit more posting, and you'll be teaching them how it's done... ...assuming they're evolved enough to learn from a "girl" blogger... (What with the slavish adherence to those traditional gender roles, n'all...)

As far as the linkin orgy, it's prolly one of RSMcC's rules for getting those million hits...

JBW said...

What can I say T101, I like crazy (judging by several of my ex-girlfriends) and crazy seems to like me. Sweetits is the exception that proves the rule.

Unknown said...

Way to go JBW! Even your mother would be proud.... I'll ask her.
The lady IS pretty. I am glad that you encouraged at least one, at least, semi-feminist to accept a compliment just for what it is/was. Perhaps Ms Logan will consider that not all of us are singleminded, at least not all the time. She sounds intelligent enough to evolve....?

JBW said...

Jury's still out on that one, halnwolf. We'll see how the little lady comports herself over the next few weeks. Thanks for stopping by; say "hi" to Momma Webb for me.

Anonymous said...

What the fuck is a "libertarian-socialist"?

JBW said...

I'm a fucking Libertarian-Socialist, anonymous. Get a Google account and a screen name and I'll tell you more.